Nowadays, even though imprisonment is an efficient solution for preventing crime, education proved to be a more efficient one. Do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years,
crime
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has become a serious issue in many cities around the world.
Although
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imprisonment is often considered an effective way to control
crime
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,
education
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has been demonstrated to be a more efficient approach. I agree with
this
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view, as
education
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can prevent
crime
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at its source and provide
individuals
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with better life opportunities.
To begin
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with,
education
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plays a crucial role in preventing criminal behaviour at an early stage.
By teaching
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Teaching
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critical thinking and decision-making skills, it enables students to consider the consequences of illegal actions and make more responsible choices
instead
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of acting impulsively.
For example
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, students who are able to assess risks are less likely to engage in criminal activities
such
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as theft or drug use.
Moreover
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, schools provide structured and meaningful activities that keep young people engaged in a positive environment, thereby reducing idle time that could lead to negative influences.
As a result
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, students are less likely to develop both the motivation and the underlying reasons to commit crimes.
Furthermore
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,
education
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provides
individuals
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with better life chances. Many crimes are closely linked to poverty and a lack of future prospects. When people have limited access to
education
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, they often struggle to secure stable employment and may resort to illegal activities as a means of survival.
However
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, with access to quality
education
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,
individuals
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can develop valuable skills and improve their career prospects, allowing them to obtain stable and legitimate sources of income.
Consequently
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,
education
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not only improves
quality
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the quality
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of life but
also
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addresses the root causes of
crime
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. In conclusion,
education
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has proven to be a more effective method of preventing
crime
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, as it reduces the likelihood of criminal behaviour and tackles its underlying causes by providing
individuals
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with better opportunities for the future.

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task response
Add one more real and clear example to make your ideas stronger.
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You answer the question well, but you can show the other side a little before your opinion.
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Some ideas are good but could be explained a bit more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. To make it even better, use a few more linking words in a natural way.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are clear, but some long sentences can be split to make reading easier.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each main point has one clear example or result.
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You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
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Your main ideas are on topic and well developed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, so the text is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like 'To begin with', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' help guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevent crime
  • break the law
  • right and wrong
  • solve problems peacefully
  • better life chances
  • job skills
  • find work
  • earn money
  • stable life
  • commit crime
  • change behavior
  • long-term solution
  • protect society
  • dangerous criminals
  • reduce crime rates
  • lasting effect
  • education system
  • social values
  • self-control
  • equal opportunity
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