IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts show information concerning speed-camera use, together with statistics on road accidents, for the city of Melbourne. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts give us information concerning speed camera use,
together with
Linking Words
a statistic
Check wording
statistics
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 on road accidents for the city of Melbourne
we
Punctuation problem
. We
show examples
 will summarise the information from both charts.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of speed cameras in Melbourne
the
Verb problem
was the
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 highest
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
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in
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
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it was
Change preposition
with
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 150
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 in
2004
Punctuation problem
2004,
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 it was around 70
%
Punctuation problem
%,
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the lowest
number
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 in
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
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it was and
Correct word choice
with
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 30
rang
Verb problem
apply
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 ‏
in
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand,
Use synonyms
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of
accident
Check wording
accidents
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 and deaths on Melbourne road it increasing in 2005 to
be
Verb problem
apply
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around 4% in accident
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of death it's a decreasing in 2005. return, the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in
accident
Check wording
accidents
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 was around 3% in 2002
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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was the lowest in 2002 and increasing in other years. In the end, we summarise the important point in both charts
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 it's giving the increase and decrease of
percentage
Use synonyms
 in a lot of years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "summarise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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