IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a significant difference between a parent’s age and their child's age is a good thing. Do you think the advantages of a significant age gap outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern day, as our lifestyle considers more on
individual's
Check wording
individuals'
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 economic and social freedom more, the value of marriage and childbirth
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 secondary, and as it is,
its
Correct determiner usage
the
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 average
year
Check wording
age
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life events highered than ever. The distance of the
age
Use synonyms
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 and their child gets bigger and bigger, so the issue from that
gap
Use synonyms
 comes out. Some people think that it is
good
Punctuation problem
good,
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while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 say that
has
Correct pronoun usage
it has
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 disadvantages. In my opinion, the advantages of a significant
age
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 outweigh the opposite aspects. On the one hand, some argue that the
gap
Use synonyms
 between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
child's
Check wording
children's
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age
Use synonyms
 plays
good
Rephrase
well
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 for both of them.
This
Linking Words
 aspect concerns that the
elderies'
Check wording
elderly's
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 mental is much more well-established than
the
Correct pronoun usage
those of the
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youngs
Replace the word
young
, because old people have experienced
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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issues
Change preposition
of issues
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, which means they can handle instantaneous accidents more flexibly and has wisdom to solve those problems.
For example
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, in my case, my dad got me when he was 36,
whose
Correct pronoun usage
which
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age
Use synonyms
 is older than
average
Correct article usage
the average
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mothers
Check wording
age of mothers
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 and
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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. And when I
pleased
Verb problem
was pleased
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 to have a leader or
advicer
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advisor
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 to my problems, he always
have done
Wrong verb form
did
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 that hard
works
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work
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 for my mental and better future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people with counter aspects of it. The main
affair
Use the right word
issue
show examples
 is about
parents
Use synonyms
' physical health. The significant differences often start with 36 year
gap
Use synonyms
, or more than 40, respectively. The olds can't handle the children's powerful energy. Older
parents
Use synonyms
 can give their wisdom to the kids when they've got some conscious matters,
however
Linking Words
, some argue that
much-aged
Correct word choice
much-older
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parents
Use synonyms
 cannot play a good role
to
Change preposition
for
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 the children because of their
weaked
Correct your spelling
weakened
 health issues. For me, I insist that the good is more than
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 between those
argues
Replace the word
arguments
.
Parents
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' role is not just playing with their child, but
also
Linking Words
 to provide core
advices
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advice
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 for their dependents
'
Check wording
apply
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 to decide
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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the right way to go.

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task response
Answer the question more directly in each body part. Say clearly why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each main idea. Your example about your father is good, but it needs more detail and a clearer link to the topic.
task response
Develop the bad side more. Now it is too short, so the essay feels a bit one-sided without full support.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph for good points, one paragraph for bad points, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Connect ideas with simple linking words like first, also, however, because, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. Some sentences now move around and are hard to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, so the reader can see the full discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic paragraph shape with introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The personal example helps support your main idea.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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