IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Today’s society is based on laws and rules. It can’t function well if individuals are free to do whatever they want. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Our community nowadays has depended heavily on
Use synonyms
law
Correct article usage
the law
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 and the
courts
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courts'
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 regulation in
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
. I agree with the sentiment that support
law
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 and rules to be enforced.
However
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, others may disagree
and
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, and
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 they might think that it is a barrier stopping them from living their life.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 governments
force
Verb problem
enforce
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laws
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 and rules to organise and govern
people
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's lives,
with out
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without
 them life could be destroyed and in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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total chaos .
Moreover
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,
laws
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 protect
people
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's rights and property from being taken, it gives everybody their deserved entitlements equally.
Furthermore
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, it sets boundaries on every aspect
in
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of
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 life.
Therefore
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,criminals will get what they deserve
Rephrase
apply
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also
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,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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Rehabilitated
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will also rehabilitate
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 and
educated
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educate lawbreakers
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law
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 breakers.
On the other hand
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, sometimes society thinks that rules should not be set for a lot of reasons.
First,
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they are convinced that it
prevent
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prevents
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 them from living their lives freely and without any restrictions and regulations that would make them more restricted by
law
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.
In addition
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,
law
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 enforcement can block mind creativity and other distractions like lack of input .
For instance
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,Societal pressures to conform to norms and the fear of judgment or rejection often lead
people
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 to limit their own actions. In conclusion,
there
Correct determiner usage
the
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laws
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 should be made in a balanced way , helping
people
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 to live their lives and achieve the meaning of "freedom".In my opinion,
laws
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 are very important to every individual in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 should be respected and enforced by the government
of
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apply
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law
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a more clear answer to the question from the start. Say if you mostly agree or partly agree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Some points are too general, so add why and how they are true.
task response
Use one or two real and simple examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some ideas are joined too fast, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each paragraph. Then add two or three sentences to support it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, like 'Overall' and 'In conclusion', but too many long sentences make the meaning hard to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and show your opinion clearly in most parts of the essay.
task response
You include both sides of the issue, which helps show a full view of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay has a full shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs to separate ideas, and this helps the reader follow your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • legal framework
  • public order
  • societal harmony
  • enforce laws
  • deterrence mechanism
  • social contract
  • bounded by regulations
  • personal freedom
  • ethical standards
  • societal values
  • moral conduct
  • civil liberties
  • restrict individual freedom
  • law enforcement
  • jurisprudence
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