IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays fashion is becoming more and more important to young people. Some people thinkthis has negative impacts on young people and on society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today's era,
fashion
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in everyone's life. Some individuals believe that
this
Linking Words
 trend has a negative
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on the lives of youngsters and on
society
Use synonyms
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
whole. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because overspending creates
unnecessary
Correct article usage
an unnecessary
show examples
 burden on their families, and
fashion
Use synonyms
 trends
also
Linking Words
 widen the inequality among
society
Use synonyms
 members.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
fashion
Use synonyms
 has a strong influence on youngsters, which often leads them to overspend on buying expensive accessories. Teenagers love to follow
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 trends, and to create an impression in their peer groups, they constantly demand
from
Correct word choice
that
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 their parents
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
buy it. Parents who are from
middle-class
Correct determiner usage
the middle class
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are unable to fulfil their desires because it may imbalance their financial budget.
Consequently
Linking Words
, stress and family clashes will increase when people
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to compare themselves with their
friend zone
Check wording
friends
show examples
, and ignore the financial situation of their parents.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the growing obsession with
fashion
Use synonyms
 widens the gap
among
Change preposition
between the
show examples
 rich and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
 in
society
Use synonyms
. Wealthy people love to maintain their high-status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, and often spend on buying luxurious and expensive items. Those who belong to
under-privileged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
 backgrounds struggle to keep
with
Verb problem
up with
show examples
 the trends.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 creates a sense of inequality where
fashion
Use synonyms
 becomes
a
Change preposition
more about
show examples
 social status than a personal choice.
In addition
Linking Words
, loans from banks may satisfy their desires, but they found themselves
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 stress when
fashion
Use synonyms
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 the very next day. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
fashion
Use synonyms
 has become an unavoidable part of modern life, but it's influence on youngsters and on
society
Use synonyms
 is largely negative. It encourages people to overspend on branded items
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
widen
Correct subject-verb agreement
widens
show examples
 the gap between
society
Use synonyms
 members. I personally believe that
fashion
Use synonyms
 becomes a problem
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when it is taken as comparing appearance
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 personal abilities.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one strong point, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some links are good, but a few sentences feel long and hard to follow.
task response
Give one more clear example for each main point. This will make your answer stronger and more full.
task response
Answer the question in a more direct way through the full essay. Your view is clear, but some ideas need deeper support.
task response
Check grammar in key sentences because small errors can make your ideas less clear.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear opinion, and your conclusion matches it well.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear paragraph plan: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You answer the question and stay on the topic all the way through.
task response
Your two main reasons are relevant and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fashion trend
  • young people
  • social pressure
  • self-image
  • self-confidence
  • spend money
  • brand clothes
  • fit in
  • compare with others
  • negative impact
  • express themselves
  • personal style
  • waste problem
  • cheap clothes
  • consumer culture
  • care too much about looks
  • judge by appearance
  • sense of identity
  • follow trends
  • become materialistic
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