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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts illustrate the breakdown of water on Earth, categorised by its location and salinity. Describe it

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The charts depict the proportion of
water
Use synonyms
 on Earth, grouped by its position and salt level.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the world’s
water
Use synonyms
 is saline and found in oceans
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 only a small quantity of
water
Use synonyms
 is freshwater.
In addition
Linking Words
, most freshwater is stored in glaciers and ice caps
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 rivers contain the smallest amount Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
total global
water
Use synonyms
, the main proportion of global
water
Use synonyms
account
Correct subject-verb agreement
accounts
show examples
 for Oceans and the figure shows 96,5 percent
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 other saline
water
Use synonyms
is 0,9 percent
Verb problem
accounts for 0.9 per cent
show examples
. In terms of freshwater, glaciers and ice caps represent 68,7 %, followed by
ground-
Correct your spelling
groundwater
water
Use synonyms
 at 30,1 %,
while
Linking Words
 1,2 % is surface and other freshwater. Among surface
water
Use synonyms
 and other freshwater, ground ice and permafrost
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 a large amount of
water
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the figure for
that is
Linking Words
 69.0 %. Lakes account for 20,9 %.
Another
Correct determiner usage
Other
show examples
 smaller proportions include
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
soil moisture (3,8 %), atmosphere (3.0 %), swamps, marshes (2,6 %), rivers (0,49 %) and living things (0,26 %).

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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