IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People living in the twenty first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In
this
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 modern world, access to digital devices, transportation and diverse types of food play an essential role in people's lives compared to the past. Some argue that
due to
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this
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 great variety of options in different fields, current time is the best for living,
while
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 others oppose
this
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 statement. I
also
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 disagree with the former statement, and
this
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 essay will explain why. First and foremost, with an increasing number of vehicles on roads the air has become polluted.
Additionally
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, excessive use of personal cars creates heavy traffic making drivers stressed and angry.
For example
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, in previous years, it was very uncommon to have more than one car per family,
while
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 these days, only one individual can possess even two vehicles,
such
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 as cars, motorbikes or vans.
As a result
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, before, the environment used to be cleaner
along with
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 less stressful situations on roads compared to the current time.
Furthermore
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, technological devices promoted a broad range of games, movies, and other activities for entertainment purposes, which were not available in the previous time.
Consequently
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, some individuals, especially young ones, prioritise virtual life with online communication over outdoor play and real interactions.
In addition
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 to that, a variety of options on the food market makes some consumers purchase more items than they really need which might be unhealthy and dangerous.
For instance
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, new ingredients and food products are introduced to Americans every year prompting health concerns connected to certain diseases like obesity. In conclusion, even though the current era offers an amazing selection of products and services, I believe that the life before was healthier and more interesting. In the past, the planet was less polluted, people emphasised real communication participating more in cooking and physical activities.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 balanced approach
for
Change preposition
to
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 utilising modern services needs to be applied to stay satisfied and healthy.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear and consistent argument throughout your essay. While you present a stance, sometimes the contrast between past and present could be more explicitly connected to your main thesis.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly. While you've provided examples and reasons, further elaboration on how these differences tangibly affect quality of life would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clarity in your argument by using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help readers follow your line of reasoning more easily.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. While you have some, varying your language can improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make more clear transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument. Although your essay has structure, smoother transitions would enhance the overall coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Quality of life
  • Technological advancements
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Life expectancy
  • Mortality rates
  • Standard of living
  • Economic growth
  • Job opportunities
  • Education access
  • Literacy rates
  • Human rights
  • Gender equality
  • Working conditions
  • Industrialization
  • Environmental issues
  • Modern conveniences
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