IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

“In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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With the advancements in research and technology, it is possible to create
products
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 like clothing, food, and medicines in laboratory settings.
Therefore
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, it has provided a leverage over using
animals
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 for these
products
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. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
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 statement and will provide agrument and examples on the same. One of the main reasons is that the exact replicas of these commodities are available in the market and are created in the lab.
This
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 is because nowadays, scientists can genetically engineer the
meat
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, dairy and clothing items. These lab-grown
meat
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 and milk commodities have similar compositions and proportions as compared to the real
meat
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 and milk of the animal. They can
also
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 generate formulas required for medicines in the labs themselves.
As a result
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, these genetically engineered items can replace the actual animal
products
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 , rendering it no longer necessary to use
animals
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 for the benefit of humans.
For instance
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,
last
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 year, Canada legalised the sale of lab-grown
meat
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 and milk to be sold in their retail stores
along with
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 the original animal
products
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. Another reason is that there are several plant-based alternatives that mimic and replace the actual animal
products
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. Plant-based derivative items are readily available for use by the general public.
This
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 is because more and more people are
also
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 opting for more plant-based alternatives and are turning to veganism.
As a result
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,
animals
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 are not being used for their
products
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 and commodities anymore.
For example
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, plants are renewable sources , and they can regrow for their services
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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,
animals
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 take longer periods of time to maintain their population and positioning in the ecosystems.
Therefore
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, it is necessary to adopt alternative and cruelty-free services and
products
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. In conclusion,
although
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 animal has been used for years for human benefits
Correct word choice
apply
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however
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, with the wide range of substitutes available in the world, it is no longer necessary to use
animals
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 for food or
products
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such
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 as medicines or clothing.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more direct way. Say clearly why you fully agree, and link each body part to that view.
task response
Give one or two more clear and real examples, especially for medicine and clothing, not only food.
task response
Develop your ideas more deeply. Some points are good, but a few are too general or repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking between sentences and paragraphs so the essay feels smoother from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word use and sentence form, because small language problems sometimes make the meaning less clear.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it to the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your argument.
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