IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The television is good for you. Discuss the advantage and disadvantage of watching television. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your experience.

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Television
Use synonyms
 is a popular path of digital communication for
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the community and provides several targeted services for
Correct article usage
a
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variety of
people
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.
Television
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 is mainly considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advantageous technology
and
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, and
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on the other
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hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 some
people
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 believe it carries lots of drawbacks. It is believed that most families use
television
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 as the basic form of media consumption
including
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, including
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the
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apply
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children
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children,
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 because there are many educational programmes or even channels specifically dedicated
for
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to
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 children's views
which
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, which
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 is a prominent benefit.
Such
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 benefits were broadly identified by
people
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 during the Global pandemic Covid-19
which
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, which
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 lasted from 2019 to
2021
Punctuation problem
2021,
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 where schools were closed down
and
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, and
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 students were directed to distanced- learning pathways. I personally
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
 lots of things from the educational programme
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was implemented every day in a channel which covered most of the school syllabus.
Moreover
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, one of the main
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 from
television
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 is news broadcasting
which
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, which
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 covers a vast amount of local and global incidents and
educate
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educates
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people
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 around the world. Contrastingly, the disadvantages
the
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that
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television
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 bring is a highlighted topic
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 among
the
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apply
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adults.One of the main
reason
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reasons
show examples
 watching
televison
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television
 is discouraged is the high possibility of addiction
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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also
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 a
lots
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lot
show examples
 of other passive negative outcomes as well.One of them is obesity
since
Punctuation problem
, since
show examples
 watching
television
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 is not a hobby which engages
people
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 physically.
Moreover
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,
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 discussed negatives are health problems
such
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 as vision issues
due to
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 the harmful lights emitted by the
television
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 and the vulnerability of children for inappropiate channels provided by the
television
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.
Hence
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, watching
television
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 is a contradictory topic in pros and cons
and
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, and
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 I
peronally
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personally
 have experienced both
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such
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, such
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 as gaining
knowldge
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knowledge
 and having vision problems.
Nevertheless
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, I believe,
televison
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television
 is an advantageous form of technology rather than a disadvantage as long as the restrictions and conditions are followed
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such
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, such
show examples
 as screen time.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more directly. You discuss good and bad points well, but your main view should be clearer from the start.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few sentences are hard to follow. Use shorter sentences and simpler forms to make meaning clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan: intro, good points, bad points, and ending. This is a strong base.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'as a result' can help show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Break them into two sentences to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check punctuation and spacing, because small errors can make the essay feel less smooth to read.
task response
You cover both advantage and disadvantage, so you answer the main task.
task response
You use a personal example about learning in the Covid-19 time. This is relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • informed
  • awareness
  • educational programs
  • skills
  • entertainment
  • relaxation
  • prolonged
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • mental well-being
  • violent content
  • productivity
  • stereotypes
  • unrealistic expectations
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