IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some areas of the US teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night. What is your opinion about this?

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In most countries, going outside at
night
Use synonyms
 is not something uncommon. All children and adults have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to wander around at any
time
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 at their convenience.
However
Linking Words
, in certain areas in the US, teenagers are ripped off
that
Change preposition
of that
show examples
 right, especially if they are alone. Personally, I am convinced that not allowing teenagers to roam around
during
Change preposition
at
show examples
night
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
apply
show examples
is an advisable choice (for 3 reasons). For one reason, going outside during late hours might put you into certain accidents.
For instance
Linking Words
, since the vision can be quite poor at
night
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, drivers on the road might not be able to see you clearly from afar.
As a result
Linking Words
, you can be hit by a passing car. The second reason, you might encounter bad people who want to rob your valuable property and can assault you when you are unguarded. At
night
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, it is almost impossible to see clearly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 you might not be careful with everything around you. In
this
Linking Words
 situation, you might get injured. What's worse is that you might become a victim of
murderer
Correct article usage
a murderer
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. It is certain that
Use synonyms
night
Correct your spelling
nighttime
time
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 is the rest
time
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, so if you encounter the two former situations, it is difficult to find someone to help you
in late
Change preposition
at
show examples
night
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
time
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. Even though you shout
out
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apply
show examples
very
loud
Rephrase
loudly
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, it is virtually impossible for anyone to hear your shout for help. In conclusion, going outside at
night
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 is not a good idea
,
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;
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 you may meet some unexpected situations that can put you in danger
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 no one can help you.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you support the rule and also show that you understand the other side.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas, such as safety, sleep, and study time. Develop each idea a bit more.
task response
Use a more real example. For example, talk about street crime, traffic, or poor choices at night.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. For example, use 'First', 'Second', and 'Finally' in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat the same danger point. Group close ideas together so the essay feels tighter.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence links. Some long sentences should be split into two shorter ones for better flow.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the first paragraph.
task response
You stay on the topic all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea about danger at night.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • safeguarding
  • nighttime crimes
  • risky behaviors
  • proactive approach
  • infringe
  • independence
  • social development
  • resource-intensive
  • disproportionately
  • discrimination
  • unjust profiling
  • juvenile delinquency
  • community programs
  • constructive alternatives
  • aimless wandering
  • enactment
  • nuanced application
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