IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

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It is often argued that it is brutal to capture
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
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,
while
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 others think that
zoos
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 are valuable environments for both ecological and fulffilling to desire
of
Change preposition
for
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 entertainment. I firmly believe that
animals
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are
Verb problem
apply
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belong to their natural habitats and it is not ethical to enslave them to satisfy people's dopamine needs.
However
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,
zoos
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 can contribute to the ecological diversity,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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 it can
be
Rephrase
also be
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 a way of amusement. In
this
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 essay, I will explain
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both perspectives and explain my view based on logical reasoning.  On one hand, there are siginificant number of
zoos
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 that have been operating for decades. It can be clearly seen that there are vast array of drawbacks,
such
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 as extinction of rare
species
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, restricted freedom and
inadequete
Correct your spelling
inadequate
 habitats. In a
zoo
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 located in Michigan,
for instance
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, the percentage of animal deaths experienced a dramatic increase, different
than
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from
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 the usual proportions, in terms of the conditions that
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zoo
Correct article usage
the zoo
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 provides to these
species
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.
As a result
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, vulnerable
species
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at
Verb problem
are at
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the
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apply
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risk of extinction.
On the other hand
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, it is irrefutable that
animals
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 in
zoos
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 are contributing
both
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to both
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 societal and environmental
.
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issues.
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 Animal
species
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 in
zoos
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 can mitigate
the
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apply
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environmental degradation, owing to
preservation
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the preservation
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 of genetic diversity. From a societal perspective, another contributing factor is that
species
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 in
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zoos'
Punctuation problem
zoos
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 provide an artificially simulated way to observe
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animals
Check wording
animals'
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 natural habitats under an amusement perspective.
According to
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 a study held in 2025, secondary school students who had a chance to observe
animals
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 in
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zoo's
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zoos
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 are noticeably better
in
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at
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 making correlations between environmental consciousness and animal welfare.
To conclude
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,
while
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 there are certain benefits, the drawbacks are equally significant.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, I strongly suggest that it is vital to track
Use synonyms
zoo's
Check wording
zoos'
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 implementations
according to
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 a
standarized testing-system
Correct your spelling
standardised testing system
 to
minimize the
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minimise
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 animal cruelty.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your view is clear, but the side for zoos needs a bit more full support.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each body part, then explain it with a short reason.
task response
Some examples feel weak or not fully clear. Use simple and direct examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not smooth. Use simple link words like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easy to follow. Put one main idea first, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is split into clear body parts for each side.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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