IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that all young people should be required to stay in full-timeeducation until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
students
Use synonyms
 aged under 18 should stay in full-time
education
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 until they reach adulthood. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion for several reasons, especially in terms of the development of basic knowledge and social
skills
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 in young
people
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. Turning to fundamental knowledge improvement,
full-time
Correct article usage
the full-time
show examples
education
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 system provides children and
teenagers
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sufficient
Change preposition
with sufficient
show examples
 training on basic subjects, including maths, native languages, P.E. and history.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can access necessary
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as reading, writing and basic calculating.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can learn about the cultural roots and identities through many humanities subjects. These courses are essential for young
people
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 to feel a sense of belonging in their communities and become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 in the future. What’s more, full-time
education
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 can
offers
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offer
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teenagers
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 numerous academic opportunities to develop their genuine interests and talents.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
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 who studied maths and science until their adulthood tend to have many projects.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are better equipped to pursue their future careers in medicine or engineering.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the benefits of full-time training can not be replaced. Regarding social
skills
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 and communication, full-time
education
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 plays an important role for
teenagers
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 to learn how to communicate and cooperate with others.
Students
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 have to deal with different situations with their peers in full-time systems.
This
Linking Words
 is a significant way for them to interact with
people
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 of different personalities and backgrounds.
According to
Linking Words
 the research,
socializing
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socialising
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 plays a crucial role in young
people
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’s development, particularly in their ability to handle complex problems in the workplace. Some
people
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 may argue that
students
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 can learn these abilities without full-time
education
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.
However
Linking Words
, the alternatives can not fully
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the requirements, including professional training and
social
Correct article usage
a social
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 environment.
Overall
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, I support the idea that all
teenagers
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 should stay in full-time
education
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 until they grow up. It is the best approach for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic knowledge training and
socialize
Replace the word
social
skills
Use synonyms
 development.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put the topic sentence first, then explain it.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some are good, but too many can make the flow less smooth.
task response
Add one more clear and real example to support your ideas.
task response
Develop your points more deeply. Some ideas are good but still a bit general.
task response
Answer the question more fully by showing why you completely agree, and why other views are weaker.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas stay on the topic and are easy to follow most of the time.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it through the essay.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: school helps with basic knowledge and social skills.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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