IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that all young people should be required to stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether
students
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 under the age of 18 should remain in full-time
education
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 until adulthood. I completely agree with
this
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 view, as it plays a crucial role in developing both essential knowledge and social
skills
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.
Firstly
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, full-time
education
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 provides young people with a strong foundation of fundamental knowledge. The
education
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 system offers structured training in core subjects
such
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 as mathematics, language and history, enabling
students
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 to acquire essential
skills
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 like reading, writing and basic calculation.
In addition
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, humanities subjects help
students
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 understand cultural roots and develop a sense of identity, which is important for becoming responsible members of society.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 who study subjects
such
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 as science and mathematics are more likely to develop analytical thinking and engage in academic projects, preparing them for careers in fields like medicine and engineering.
Therefore
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, the benefits of full-time
education
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 cannot be easily replaced.
Secondly
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, full-time
education
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 plays a vital role in developing social and communication
skills
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. By interacting with peers in a structured environment,
students
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 learn how to cooperate, resolve conflicts and adapt to different personalities. These experiences are essential for building teamwork
skills
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, which are highly valued in the workplace.
As a result
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, young people who remain in school are better prepared for future professional environments.
Although
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 some argue that these
skills
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 can be acquired outside school,
such
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 as through work or self-study, these alternatives often lack structured guidance and meaningful social interaction. In conclusion, I strongly believe that requiring young people to stay in full-time
education
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 until the age of 18 is the most effective way to ensure their academic and social development.

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task response
Add one real and clear example in each body part.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more to show why they are true.
task response
You answer the question well, but you can talk a bit more about the other side.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not use too many simple ones in the same way.
coherence and cohesion
Some points are clear, but a few need more support and detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. To make it better, add one more step between idea and result in some lines.
task response
You clearly say your opinion in the introduction and keep it all through the essay.
task response
You cover both study and social growth, so your answer feels full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, so the reader can follow you easily.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches the introduction well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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