It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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When
people
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want to achieve their goals, the most essential thing is that they need to take
risks
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in their careers and private lives.
Although
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taking
risks
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can help
individuals
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succeed economically, it can
also
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have a negative impact on their mental well-being
while
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they are dealing with challenges. In spite of these drawbacks,
this
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essay will argue that the benefits of taking
risks
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outweigh the disadvantages. If
people
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want to achieve financial success, they must take
risks
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, which are an integral part of life.
Individuals
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who take
risks
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are more likely to succeed compared to those who avoid them.
Moreover
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,
people
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can spend quality time with their families if they have a stable income;
therefore
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, they need to invest money wisely.
For instance
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, around the world, some
individuals
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who have invested in the stock market have become billionaires. A common idea in their success stories is: “If you cannot take
risks
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, you cannot become a billionaire.”
However
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, taking excessive
risks
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can have a detrimental effect on
people
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’s mental health because if
individuals
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lose something after taking a risk, that decision can influence their entire lives.
Consequently
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, these negative outcomes can affect family life, which is one of the most important aspects of
people
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’s lives.
For example
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, my uncle started a clothing business even though he had multiple bank loans. He was unable to repay them;
as a result
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, he suffered from serious mental health issues, which significantly affected his daily life. In conclusion,
people
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are influenced by a highly competitive world to take actions that can improve their financial status.
Although
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taking
risks
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can negatively impact mental health, it can ultimately help
individuals
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succeed both professionally and personally.
Therefore
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, the advantages of taking
risks
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clearly outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear from the start and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear example for personal life, not only money or work.
task response
Explain more why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple but careful way so each idea grows step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are a bit general. Add one short supporting detail after each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea only.
task response
You answer both sides and give a clear final opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples, including a personal example, to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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