IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that we succeed in sports due to our in born talent, others argue that continuous working on one self is a key to success. What do you think

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when
Fix capitalization
When
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 we say the
people
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 who work very well, some
people
Use synonyms
 say
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 of the
talent
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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another
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 say it is
contiuous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 working hard on
him self
Correct your spelling
himself
. In my opinion, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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parts
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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talent
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 without that part is working hard. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both of view.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working hard
peouple
Correct your spelling
people
 can't win
Use synonyms
talent
Replace the word
talented
people
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct determiner usage
One
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one
Use synonyms
 of the big
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 many
people
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 agree
that
Verb problem
is that
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because
Correct word choice
apply
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it is true in art, music and physical education.
For instance
Linking Words
,
yo
Correct your spelling
you
 can see the runway models are tall and thin.
you
Fix capitalization
You
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 can make your body slim
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 your
high
Replace the word
height
 can't change, so only limited
people
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 can
do
Verb problem
be
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 models.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
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talent
Correct article usage
a talent
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 party can easily or fastly
success
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if some
one
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 make the result faster than other
people
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, maybe that
one
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 arrive the goal
fastly
Rephrase
faster
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, continuous working on
Use synonyms
one self
Correct your spelling
oneself
 is a key to
success
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
some
Correct your spelling
someone
one
Use synonyms
 has
a telent
Correct determiner usage
talent
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 but
lazy
Verb problem
is too lazy
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 to do or put off work and
other
Correct determiner usage
another
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one
Use synonyms
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
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 have
telent
Correct your spelling
talent
 but
working everyday
Wrong verb form
works every day
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. I think
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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working
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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 will
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success
Verb problem
lead to success
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 and diligence is a key.
Next,
Linking Words
working hard can win
talent
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.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, the food
,
Correct word choice
and
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 fashion are various.
For example
Linking Words
, when you see the show, you can see there
also
Linking Words
 have
plus
Check wording
plus-size
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 models on the runway or some ont shorter than
model
Correct article usage
the model
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 standard. In here, you can see the old school box is gone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the new frame makes
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
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 close and job. In conclusion,
people
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 anaiysis
talent
Use synonyms
 is
more high
Replace the word
higher
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 recently the story is being
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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.
Talent
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 can help you to achieve the goal faster
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge part of
success
Use synonyms
the goal
Check wording
apply
show examples
is continuous working, so many
people
Use synonyms
 have a
change
Use the right word
chance
show examples
 to try and achieve the goal.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say your main view in a direct way and keep it the same in all parts.
task response
Add clearer main ideas for each body part. One part should be about talent, and one part should be about hard work.
task response
Use examples that fit sports more closely, because the topic is about success in sports.
task response
Explain each example more. Show why the example proves your point.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, but, so, and in conclusion to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Do not start both body parts with the same phrase. This makes the order hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
Put one clear topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Keep one idea together in one paragraph and do not change topic too fast.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your own view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used some examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion repeats your main point in a clear way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural abilities
  • inborn talent
  • genetically gifted
  • work ethic
  • consistent practice
  • discipline
  • perseverance
  • dedication
  • physical fitness
  • mental toughness
  • refinement of skills
  • real-life examples
  • athletic performance
  • raw talent
  • training regimen
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