Obesity has become a bigger and more global problem. What are the causes of this? What solution can be taken to tackle these problems?

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There is a tendency among
people
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to excessively consume unhealthy
food
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. A significant number of
people
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globally have been suffering from risky
health
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problems
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such
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, such
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as
obesity
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which
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, which
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has become a major issue.
This
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issue occurs
due to
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the reliance on ready-made
meals
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and a sedentary
lifestyle
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. Several effective measures can be implemented to address it.
Obesity
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is the result of eating extra
fast-
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fast food
food
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and fatty
meals
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. The main reason is that unhealthy
food
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, which contains more fat than other home-made
meals
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, seems to be more delectable and appealing to
consumers
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consumers,
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that influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
which influences
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people
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to consume it. When
people
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excessively eat
this
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food
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- burgers, pizza, and fried
food
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- they gain more
weight
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and extra calories.
People
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tend to eat junk
food
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due to
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its taste and yummy appearance without considering risky
health
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problems;
thus
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, overconsumption of fast
food
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leads to
obesity
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.
Furthermore
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, having a sedentary
lifestyle
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causes detrimental
health
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conditions,
such
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as
obesity
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. When individuals gain extra
weight
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by eating fatty
meals
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, they need to lose the
weight
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by being active and doing exercises and activities. The sedentary
lifestyle
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prevents
people
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from losing
weight
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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may easily face
obesity
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with excessive consumption of junk
food
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and
lack
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a lack
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of physical activity. To tackle
this
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problem, both the
government
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and
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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should work together. The
government
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should introduce more educational programs for
people
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to raise their awareness of their
health
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. Attending these programs helps individuals to keep themselves healthier and not to eat more fast
food
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.
Moreover
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, the
government
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should
also
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present new facilities to do exercises and involve
people
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in community activities to be active and reduce extra
weight
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.
To conclude
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,
obesity
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is mainly caused by overconsumption of unhealthy
food
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and
having
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apply
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a sedentary
lifestyle
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.
However
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, I believe that introducing new programs and facilities by the
government
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can mitigate
this
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phenomenon.

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task response
For task response, you answer both parts of the question, but your solution part is a bit short. Add one more clear idea about what people themselves can do, like cooking at home or walking every day.
task response
For task response, your causes are clear, but some ideas are repeated. Try to explain each cause once, then give one simple result or example.
task response
For task response, your examples are general. Add a more specific example, such as office workers who sit all day or young people who eat fast food after school.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part structure, which is good. To improve more, make each body paragraph focus on one main aim only.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is clear, like 'Furthermore' and 'To conclude'. But do not use too many long sentences with many ideas together. Shorter sentences can make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some wording is not smooth, for example 'that influence people to consume it'. Check small grammar and word choice problems because they can make the flow less clear.
task response
For task response, you fully talk about causes and solutions, so you stay on the topic all through the essay.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are easy to see: unhealthy food and low activity are the two main causes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'Consequently' to connect ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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