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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph compares the sales of five different types of jam from 2009 to 2014 measured in million

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The line graph compares the sales of five different types of
jam
Use synonyms
 from 2009 to
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
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 measured in
Use synonyms
million
Check wording
millions
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. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective ,Strawberry ,Raspberry ,Grape and Cherry witnessed an upward trend ,
while
Linking Words
 Plum declined ,
albiet
Correct your spelling
albeit
 with varying levels. Notably ,Strawberry
jam
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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retains its leading position throughout the
period
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 . In 2009, around 3
million
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of
Check wording
jars of
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 strawberry
jam
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 sold, a twofold increase
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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 , making it the highest figure on the chart. From
this
Linking Words
 point onward, Raspberry
jam
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 began at approximately 2.8
million
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 in 2009 and rose dramatically to around 5
million
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 in 2012 ,end finishing the
period
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about
Change preposition
at about
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 5.5
million
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 .
Further
Linking Words
 ,Grape
jam
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 started at only 0.5
million
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 in 2009 and increased significantly
Punctuation problem
,
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finishing the
period
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 with 4.5
million
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 .
By contrast
Linking Words
 , Cherry
jam
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 sales stood at 2
million
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 ,and increased around 3
million
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 with some fluctuations .Meanwhile ,Plum began around 2.5
million
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 in 2009 and decreased continually
breaching
Punctuation problem
, breaching
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 a 0.1
million
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 threshold
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words jam, million, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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