Children should never be educated at home by their parents. Discuss

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In some societies, there are families who prefer to educate their children in
home
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settings.
Therefore
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, there are some special concerns regarding
this
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issue. In
this
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essay, the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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kind of education will be discussed and I will give my personal view. Obviously,
parents
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who are in favour of teaching their children at
home
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believe there are some advantages to
this
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. First of all, some of these families live far from the cities and educational facilities so,
home
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setting education is more convenient and approachable for them.
Secondly
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,
parents
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may be able to provide a more practical education compared to traditional schools.
For example
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, gardening, house management and, some other hands-on skills that will prepare the kids for their future lives. Another significant point is that, based on what they claim it is safer and more convenient for both
parents
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and the children because
parents
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are in a better position to keep the kids away from negative influences than when they take care of them at
home
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some obvious disadvantages too. People who are against
this
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method believe that the main aim of going to
school
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is not just learning how to write and count. There are lots of social skills that can be learned at
school
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when students are in contact with their peer group.
Moreover
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, they will learn how to deal with their teachers and other people at
school
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independently. In conclusion, based on what is discussed above, the role of teachers and schools in shaping students' characters and their future is undeniable. In my opinion, the advantages of going to
school
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far outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by bryan.dasco on

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Development of Ideas
Try to develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will add depth to your argument and make your ideas more convincing.
Language Use
Consider adding more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Paragraphing and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single main idea, using appropriate connectives to guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
Introduction and Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly presenting your stance.
Task Response
You balanced the discussion by considering both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a good understanding of the essay task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical flow and structure in presenting arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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