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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

nowadays many students study abroad. do you think advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years a debate has emerged on whether
students
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 should stay in their hometown to study or leave. Some people claim that studying abroad from your city can cause a numerous of trouble in regular living and make the studying journey harder. Personally, I firmly agree with that statement.
This
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 essay will discuss the disadvantages of learning in a foreign environment.
To begin
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 with, the process of moving away can develop serious stress for youngsters. University is a new paragraph of life,where everything is a mystery and not usual, in that time,
pupils
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 need some stability in their life,like home.
Although
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 a new social circle can give
students
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 an opportunity to present themselves in the best way, their anxiety in unfamiliar places can take over them.
As a result
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, they will be haunted by destructive thoughts and won't be able to support their social image. A notable example of it, its the statistic of returned
students
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 back in Kazakhstan after one semester. Every four in ten
students
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 decides to return to their hometown after being transferred for study.
Additionally
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 ,the cost of living in a foreign place is higher than living in your homeland .A huge proportion of
students
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 barely can afford to feed themselves ,the problem is arising because youths do not know prices ,and costs and don’t have an understanding of a financial system of their new place. That's why a lot of
students
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 easily get lost towards their savings and have a hard time with money.
Furthermore
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, a recent study by Yale University discovered that more than 20 per cent of
pupils
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 ,who retired from their motherland, acquired dangerous and unhealthy addictions
such
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 as smoking, drinking and using drugs .A lot of transferred
students
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 develop a bad habit
due to
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 the feeling of low responsibility in foreign places. In conclusion,
students
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 will feel safer and more comfortable in their home town, surrounded by affection and support.
Moreover
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 in the case of a global emergency
such
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 as an epidemic,
pupils
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 who stay in their motherland will experience any kind of medical downsides.
Therefore
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, I totally agree with the statement that
pupils
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 will have more chances to succeed and feel protected in their own town.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your main argument or position in the introduction to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs with clear topic sentences to connect ideas more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to create a more engaging and professional tone.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples directly support your main points and consider providing a few more examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You present a clear personal opinion and structure your essay well with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant points discussing stress and financial issues faced by students studying abroad.
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