IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
It is argued that
companies
 by using various methods in their advertising are trying to announce new features.
While
 it seems like a
competition
 among manufacturers, I believe that it would have positive effects on communities.
To begin
 with, the
competition
 between some producers has increased
thus
 they are using new methods
such
 as advertising to be the winner of that.
Additionally
, they have to persuade people to buy their features.
In other words
, people's products have already worked appropriately to handle their demands, so producers should set up new strategies for encouraging the public to buy new goods.
For example
, if a smartphone manufacturer changes some appearance items
such
 as adding another camera or using better material for the frame cell phones, they can encourage customers to buy their products.
Although
this
competition
 might have some drawbacks like increasing the price of goods than their previous, I believe that they have more benefits of development for the public.
Companies
' competitor always have to use new techniques to improve their goods that can make significant differences with other features
such
 as changing the CPU or camera's quality,
as a result
 of competitive strategy.
For instance
, smartphones were invented to use them just for talking and texting;
however
, we are using them in several ways
such
 as taking photographs, and surfing the internet because of
competition
 among
companies
 that forces them to invent new things. In conclusion, despite
competition
 between
companies
, it will have a majority of positive development for people.
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are logically ordered throughout the essay. Use transitional phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next, creating a seamless flow.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point comprehensively. Use a mix of complex and simple sentences to articulate your arguments and provide clear examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points to be discussed, and the conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you answer each question completely, providing a balanced discussion where required.
task achievement
Present ideas clearly and ensure that they are comprehensive and easily understood. Avoid ambiguities and make sure that you elaborate on your points precisely.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples add weight to your claims and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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