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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 a few countries, most
people
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 prefer to hire a personal fitness trainer
instead
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 of playing
sports
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 or attending exercise classes.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons
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such
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, such
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 as professional
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 and trust, and explain why I believe that it is a negative development, as it leads to isolation and less exposure.
To begin
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 with, one of the main reasons to hire a professional trainer is that
people
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have
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apply
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lack
of
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apply
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knowledge about
exrecise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and physical activities, because of that they prefer to
higher
Verb problem
hire
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 someone who has better experience and expertise.
As a result
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, they can easily train
their self
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
 without any injuries,
such
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 as back pain and neck pain.
For example
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, if someone
who
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apply
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wants to train
their selves
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
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, but they do not have enough
experice
Correct your spelling
experience
, they might struggle with a lot of things,
as
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apply
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including where to start, how to improve weight
while
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 training,
at
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and at
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 what time which exercises have to be done.
Therefore
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, they may not understand
and
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, and
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 it can lead to many
heath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 injuries.
On the other hand
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, I believe that it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
negative development, because when many individulas higher a personal teacher, there will be
a
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apply
show examples
less interaction between
people
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, and
also
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people
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 will not get the exposure
of
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to
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 outdoor and indoor
sports
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 activities, they only do whatever their teachers say to improve their to stay physically fit.
Thus
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, human beings will never choose their career in
sports
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 because they
never
Verb problem
have never
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 played.
For Instance
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, if
people
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 play
sports
Use synonyms
, they can stay physically fit
as well as
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 they choose as a career.
In addition
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, they will get a chance to interact with a lot
when
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of people when
show examples
 they attend exercise classes. In conclusion,
although
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 hiring a personal fitness tutor has a lot of benefits, including trust, right
traing
Correct your spelling
training
 and help to prevent injuries, I believe that it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
negative development because
, as
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apply
show examples
 it reduces face-to-face interaction and
fewer
Verb problem
offers fewer
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 career opportunities in the
sports
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 industry.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why people choose a trainer, and why this is bad overall.
task response
Give one or two clear reasons only, then explain each one well.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and direct. Your examples are linked, but they are not very strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, like first, for example, as a result, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat or become hard to follow. Keep your sentences short and clear.
task response
You answered both questions and gave your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are generally easy to see.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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