The pie charts below show the reasons given for shopping online and in-store. write 150 words

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The pie charts compare the reasons people shop either online or in-store.
Overall
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, most individuals prefer buying things on the internet to save time and to avoid queuing.
Whereas
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others who favour in-person commerce are mostly keen on the ability to touch what they are buying or the advantage of talking to a salesperson. It is obvious from the charts that the main reason customers shop via the digital web is
due to
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its efficiency
first,
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and avoiding waiting in lines. whilst, 21% of them seem to enjoy the luxury of shopping anytime , unlike physical retail.
On the other hand
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, 40% consumers opt for offline retailing because they can inspect the goods before acquiring
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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,
while
Linking Words
35% like to be able to talk to a salesman, and
due to
Linking Words
the cost of delivery imposed in e-commerce, 8% adopt
this
Linking Words
behaviour. Meanwhile, 14% of online shoppers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and 17% of in-person purchasers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
believe that their approach offers them greater options.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • online shopping
  • in-store shopping
  • main reason
  • easy to use
  • save time
  • lower price
  • wide choice
  • special deal
  • see the product
  • try before buying
  • personal service
  • buy at once
  • percentage
  • compared with
  • in contrast
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