IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is generally greater than it was in the past. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, the
age
Use synonyms
 difference between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 has been increasing day by day.
Although
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 with
this
Linking Words
 trend,
parents
Use synonyms
 will become strong financially and set up their own businesses,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 will have to work alone in future to make their business successful.
This
Linking Words
 trend outweighs the disadvantages despite their advantages. On the one hand,
due to
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 a high
age
Use synonyms
gap
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 between
children
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 and
parents
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,
parents
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 will have enough time to make money for their
children
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. To illustrate,
parents
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 will work hard on different jobs to make more money, and when they have kids, they can provide them good education and health benefits from their savings.
For instance
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, as per a recent report, 90% of kids are educated who have a greater
gap
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 between their
parents
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 and
children
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 because their
parents
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 gave them study from high reputated institutes.
On the other hand
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, there are many disadvantages of an
age
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 difference between
parents
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 and
children
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.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 and
children
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 can fight each other
due to
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 an
age
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gap
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. To clarify,
parents
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 will think about their
children
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's
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 based on old perspective
whereas
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children
Use synonyms
's ideas will be on modern technology.
As a result
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, verbally fight will start in that house
due to
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 opposing ideas. To recapitulate,
due to
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 a high
age
Use synonyms
gap
Use synonyms
 between
children
Use synonyms
 and
parents
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 will have more money for better education for their kids ,
whereas
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parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
 will oppose each other's ideas. The disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend outweigh its advantages.

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task response
Give one clear answer in the first part and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Say why and how, not only what.
task response
Use examples that sound real and clear. The report about 90% is not well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. Some lines are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Too many simple links can make the flow weak.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea and support it fully.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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