IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Topic: In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stories. Do you think it is a positive or negative?

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Nowadays, online shopping is gaining more popularity and gradually replacing
with
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apply
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traditional shopping in many nations. Personally, I believe that
this
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 is a completely positive trend, because it both saves time and money and
also
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 makes shopping less stressful for
customers
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.
To begin
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 with, there are some positive developments in purchasing items on online
platforms
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instead
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 of buying from local
stories
Use the right word
stores
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. That’s to say, in online shopping there is a strong competition between brands and companies, which often leads to
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 price of
product
Correct article usage
the product
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. In order to attract
customers
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, online shops give discounts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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customers
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 can easily buy something at a
cheaper prices
Fix the agreement mistake
lower price
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, which is useful for their budget.
Additionally
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, online shopping
platforms
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 provide
deliver
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delivery
 services that people can order
product
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products
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 from home
which
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, which
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 it does not waste their time. Another primary benefit of
this
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 trend is that
,
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apply
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 traditional and local stores
usually
Verb problem
are usually
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 crowded with people, particularly on weekends and holidays, which
it
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apply
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has a detrimental impact
to
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on
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 people’s
mental-health, online
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mental health. Online
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 shopping allows individuals to purchase products without going
on
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to
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 magazines
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
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 busy and
crowd
Replace the word
crowded
. In
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 words, after
a
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apply
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shopping
from
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in
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 local stories people often get mad and tend to be stressed. Online
platforms
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 designed to be sensitive and easy to use that reduces stress and anxiety and gives more positive energy. In conclusion, around the world, replacing
old
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the old
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 way of purchasing products with online
platforms
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 has a
plently
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of benefits that
saves
Correct subject-verb agreement
save
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 money and time
of
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for
show examples
customers
Use synonyms
, and
also
Linking Words
 reduces their stress

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task response
Answer the question in a more direct way. Say clearly why this trend is positive and keep this idea strong in all body parts.
task response
Add one or two real and clear examples to support your points, such as lower online prices or time saved by home delivery.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they need fuller support and clearer meaning.
coherence cohesion
Put each main idea in one clear paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, such as 'first', 'also', and 'in conclusion'. Some sentences now are too long and hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence connection. A few parts do not link well, so the reader may feel lost.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction.
task response
You stay on the topic and discuss good sides of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You use some basic linking words to move from one idea to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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