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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of school children is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think that this would have little effect on overall health and other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many people believe that the best way to enhance the well-being of school
minors
Use synonyms
 is to include physical
education
Use synonyms
 in their schedule,
although
Linking Words
 they argue that it might have physical effects on a
Use synonyms
minors
Check wording
minor's
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overall
Linking Words
 health, including physical
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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 should come with measures. On the one hand, people argue that including physical
education
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 in the academic schedule would be beneficial.
Linking Words
for
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For
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 instance,
self-defence, statics
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statistics
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 have shown that most children get bullied in their academic year.
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as
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As
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 a result, they often get injured
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 for
this
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 particular reason, including physical
education
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 would significantly decrease the chance of kids getting harmed.
Furthermore
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, it would highly increase key factors in the body.
for instance
Linking Words
, metabolism, and the respiratory system.
including
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Including
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 physical
education
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 means including sports, which would mean
minors
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 would be able to run and move their bodies
.
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,
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which would increase their oxygen intake and blood flow.
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in
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In
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 addition,
minors
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 would be able to switch
mood
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moods
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 and feel free from academic stress.
Linking Words
on
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On
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 the other hand, people argue that it
would
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apply
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could affect a
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minors
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minor's
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 health
,
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;
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 they think it could
get
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cause
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 them injuries,
such
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 as fractures. Many students tend to break bones
while
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 playing.
in
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In
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 conclusion, I highly believe that including physical
education
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 would really benefit a minor, as it can increase their skills in
self defence
Correct your spelling
self-defence
.
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however
Fix capitalization
However
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, it can lead to injuries
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 fractures.
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nevertheless
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Nevertheless,
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 with supervisors watching over
them
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them,
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 injuries can be limited.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about sport being good, but the other side is short.
task response
Give a clear opinion from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Use better examples. Some ideas, like bullying and self defence, do not fully fit the main question about general well-being.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, and so.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and full stops. Some sentences run too long and are hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Some ideas are easy to understand, like sport helping stress and body health.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • general well-being
  • physical fitness
  • mental health
  • a healthy lifestyle
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • dietary issues
  • holistic health programs
  • nutritional education
  • inclusive environments
  • multifaceted approach
  • fostering a culture
  • mental health support
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