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Band 6.5

it is important for children learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction

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In today’s society, it is crucial for young people to understand the distinction between right and wrong during the formative years.From my point of view, retribution is not an effective teaching method when learning new things.In
this
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 essay, I explain both perceptions beforehand , coming to a conclusion. On the one hand, the youth should comprehend the difference between right and wrong from a young couled with
this
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 punishing children play a pivotal role in learning.One major reason is that pun ishment build a disciplined environment.
This
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 results in youngsters who has strict schedule performing better at their jobs or professions.
For instance
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, I grew up in a family where my parents would punish me if I couldn't pass an exam.
As a result
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 of
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, I have studied better than average.
On the other hand
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, even though beating plays a vital role in learning, it
also
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 has drawbacks. A
further
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 point worth considering is that punishing young people to prevent laziness would result in fear of making mistakes , chronic stress , and anxiety.
This
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 directly influence to their cognitive ability and critical thinking.
Furthermore
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, international research indicates that harsh forfeiture may damage both students’ mental health and academic achievement.
For example
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, studies conducted in several countries found that punished students often showed lower motivation and poorer educational performance.
Further
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 justification is that they lose the ability to make decisions independently.
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,in the long-term, they may lose many opportunities that come once in a lifetime.
To conclude
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,
although
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sanction is
Correct subject-verb agreement
sanctions are
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 an effective technique for youngsters , they can have negative effects on children’s mental health.I am of the opinion that the youth should grow up in a supportive environment

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this view the same from start to end.
task response
Give more clear main ideas in each body part. Some ideas are good, but some are not fully explained.
task response
Use examples that fit your point in a more direct way. Your family example helps, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one clear topic. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result. Some links now are not smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word choice, because some parts are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You discussed both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphing, and this helps the essay look organized.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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