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Band 7

Some people think that spending a lot of money on birthdays and marriages celebrations is a waste of money but others think that it is important to the young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Wasting
money
Use synonyms
 on celebrations occasionally,
such
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 as birthdays or marriages, is controversial because some believe why would pay for unnecessary events.
Although
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 it is
also
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 a vital experience once in life for young adults and society.
This
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 has created a considerable debate and will be analysed in greater depth.
To begin
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 with, compared to previous decades, nowadays these events are celebrated on big scale with hundred and hundred
people
Use synonyms
 invited. To illustrate, the hosting events' capacity is generally based on how many guests would be invited by using a professional organisation.
For instance
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, birthdays are likely to be for families and close friends.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to celebrate and gather unknown
people
Use synonyms
 from friends of friends , which significantly costs a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 to pay out excessively unnecessary expenses,
such
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 as alcohol, hotels, or decorations.
As a result
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, it is a yearly event, so
this
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money
Use synonyms
 could have been used for better purposes.
On the other hand
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, it is a crucial moment for the occasion that happens once in their life,
such
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 as marriages. To clarify, young
people
Use synonyms
 believe that marriage should only have one in their lifetime , which giving significantly memorable.
Thus
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, adults will pay a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 to make things perfectly, even though unwanted items or disposable things
such
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 as fresh flowers will be used for enormous decoration to create an unrealistic atmosphere to impress their own experiences and those of attendees.
Moreover
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, creating a big scenario will cooperate with many departments, resulting in more job opportunities because it gathers individuals who have different skill sets. In summary,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 think it is unnecessary to have parties for marriages and birthdays, others believe that it has advantages for the youngsters and the community. In my opinion, even though both arguments have valid reasons, currently,
people
Use synonyms
 spend unnecessarily on
this
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 kind of event , so I believe these should be celebrated in a simple manner.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, however, and as a result.
task achievement
Add one clear example for each side of the topic.
task achievement
Explain your opinion more directly in the end.
coherence cohesion
Avoid ideas that are hard to follow or too long.
task achievement
You discuss both sides and give your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas are linked well with words like however and moreover.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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