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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the future, robots will do more and more jobs instead of humans. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words

#future #robots #jobs #humans #development
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It is believed that robots are more likely to take over an individual’s source of income in the upcoming years.
This
Linking Words
 shift will not only have a drastic impact on society but will
also
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 affect the labour market to a great extent. In my opinion, there are far more benefits than drawbacks, certain steps can be taken into consideration to avoid loss to the economy. One of the most considerable advantages of having Roberts at the workplace is saving on expenditure and time. Many firms would agree that having Roberts is accommodating and reduces human errors.
For instance
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, Walmarts in Canada now use digital Robert for cleaning which can detect obstacles
as well as
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 catch dirt easily.
Additionally
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, it can be used constantly to keep the area neat and tidy. So, it can be concluded that artificial intelligence seems to be a great advantage for business and mankind.
On the other hand
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, opponents of advancement in technologies state risk involves the general labour jobs. It is predicted that slowly but gradually they will be replaced by machines in the near future, causing unemployment and illiteracy.
However
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, the employers have a completely opposite perspective on
this
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. Purchasing
such
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 advanced and creative machines could be beneficial but require a great sum of capital. Only the large multinational companies could afford it. These machines definitely have high performance, but demand great maintenance. In conclusion, there is no doubt that innovation in robotics involves risk in eradicating the workforce, but having these advancements can promote health and safety in a vast array of sectors. In my view, despite some drawbacks, the advantages still outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by preetsmily9 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with proper linking words and transitional phrases to enhance logical structure.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to better illustrate your points and make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
Be clear with your points and try to elaborate more on how robots can contribute to the economy and society at large.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction, establishing the topic and presenting your opinion effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, reflecting on both benefits and drawbacks while reinforcing your stance.
task achievement
Acknowledging counterarguments strengthens your argument by considering different perspectives.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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