In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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In many countries,
although
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the number of serious offences is declining,
citizens
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believe they are not as safe as they were in the past. I firmly believe that the primary causes are the lack of public safety and a large
number
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amount
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of crime-related world
news
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. The most viable solutions are having more police officers on the streets and reducing violent topics in the
news
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.
To begin
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with, one major concern is that
people
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face weaker public safety.
This
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phenomenon can be attributed to several factors,
such
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as a lack of police officers and insufficient financial support for necessary equipment. Another important issue is the increasing amount of disturbing international
news
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. Numerous
people
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read about murders and assaults in the
news
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or on social media platforms day by day.
For example
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, in Ireland, many journalists write about extremely serious crimes or wars in the newspapers which happened in the island and in other countries as well, which might lead to a sense of fear among
people
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. One of the most viable solutions for these problems is more law enforcement officers on the streets who can protect some areas and prevent more crimes. Another effective solution is reducing violent content in the newspapers. Nowadays, many individuals are influenced by aggressive
contents
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content
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, which may cause public anxiety and make
people
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feel less secure. If authorities reduced
this
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type of content,
citizens
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might feel calmer and safer.
For instance
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,
according to
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the Spanish psychologists, reducing crime reports in newspapers may help
citizens
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feel safer and calmer. In conclusion, the lack of public safety and frequent crime-related topics has negative consequences for
people
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’s feelings.
However
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, greater attention to public assurance and more positive
news
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reporting could significantly help reduce fear among
citizens
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the causes well, but the solutions part is a bit short.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each solution, and explain how it works in real life.
task response
Your examples are relevant, but they feel a bit general. Make them more exact and direct.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some phrases are good, but a few ideas could connect more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea about fear and safety. Try to avoid repeating the same point.
task response
You answer both causes and solutions, so you cover the full task.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main topic, which helps the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • availability heuristic
  • media coverage
  • misinformation
  • urbanization
  • community cohesion
  • justice system
  • economic inequality
  • community policing
  • media literacy
  • surveillance
  • swift justice
  • social cohesion
  • neighborhood watch
  • deterrent
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