Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor can create a happier society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that narrowing the
income
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gap between affluent and
disadvantage
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disadvantaged
groups can lead
a
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to a
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happier
society
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. I fully agree with
this
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view, as it can alleviate social
comparison
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pressure and foster a stronger sense of fairness, both of which are crucial to
overall
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well-being. One important reason is that
income
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inequality intensifies social
comparison
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, particularly in today’s digital
society
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. With the widespread use of social media, individuals are constantly exposed to others’
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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and consumption patterns, making wealth disparities far more visible than before.
As a result
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, people are more likely to compare their living standards with those who are better off, which often leads to feelings of relative deprivation. Even when basic needs are met, individuals may still feel dissatisfied and psychologically burdened
due to
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perceived inequality. Over time,
this
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pressure can reduce life satisfaction and increase anxiety levels.
Therefore
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, reducing the
income
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gap can mitigate unnecessary social
comparison
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and improve subjective well-being.
In addition
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, a narrower
income
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gap can strengthen perceptions of fairness and enhance institutional trust within
society
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. When
income
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differences become excessive, people may perceive the system as unjust, which can undermine confidence in social institutions and weaken social cohesion.
In contrast
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, a more equitable distribution of wealth reinforces the belief that opportunities are relatively balanced and that success is determined more by effort than privilege.
This
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perception encourages greater cooperation among individuals and contributes to long-term social stability. Ultimately, societies with higher levels of trust and stability tend to achieve more sustainable improvements in
overall
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happiness. In conclusion,
i
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I
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strongly agree that reducing
income
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inequality can contribute to a happier
society
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, mainly because it reduces harmful social
comparison
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and strengthens perceptions of fairness, both of which are fundamental to long-term social well-being.

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task response
Write 'a happier society' after 'lead to'.
task response
Change 'disadvantage groups' to 'disadvantaged groups'.
task response
Add one more clear real example to support your main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your second body paragraph is clear, but one sentence is a bit long. Try to keep one idea in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use 'I' not 'i' in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You link ideas well with words like 'In addition', 'As a result', and 'Therefore'. Keep doing this.
task response
You answer the question clearly and your opinion is strong from start to end.
task response
Your two main ideas are both relevant and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main point, so the essay is easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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