IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

nowadeays many medical research projects are funded by private compnies. in your opinion , do you think that resersh shoul be carried by private companies , individuals or government? give reasons for your answer

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Introduction
These days, an increasing number of medical survey projects are
financial
Replace the word
financially
 supported by private
companies
Use synonyms
. Some people think that it should be funded by governments. In my opinion, it should be carried by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 because it leads to free healthcare
services
Use synonyms
 and recruiting
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 medical experts.
Body · 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one major reason why
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
funding rather than private
companies
Use synonyms
 is because of free healthcare
services
Use synonyms
. The main idea here is that, when
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 support financialy, most of
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 they cut down the prices of
surgeys
Correct your spelling
surgeries
, operations and
services
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, a person
when
Punctuation problem
, when
show examples
 they feel ill,
they have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 easy access to
hospitals
Use synonyms
 without spending
penny
Correct article usage
a penny
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
, all
hospitals
Use synonyms
 and medical
services
Use synonyms
 are free for people
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads to
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 rate of different types of diseases.
Body · 2
Another primary reason is that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 often hire proffesionals to work in
hospitals
Use synonyms
 in order to treat the
patiens
Correct your spelling
patients
 with clever ways.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, private
companies
Use synonyms
usually
Verb problem
are usually
show examples
 limited
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 hiring young or junior doctors who have
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 experience.
This
Linking Words
 means
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 always choose professional and senior experts in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field.
As a result
Linking Words
, people do not have to worry about their treatments
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 illnesses can be cured in a short time. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a recent survey
shows
Correct pronoun usage
that shows
show examples
 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
hospitals
Use synonyms
 that have a lot of proffesionals most likely to
success
Replace the word
succeed
 in difficult
surgey
Correct your spelling
surgery
 operations.
Conclusion
In conclusion, medical research projects can be funded by private
companies
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I strongly believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it can bring more benefits if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 support financialy medical surveys
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 they provide
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free healthcare
services
Use synonyms
 and doctors who have years of work experience.

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task response
Answer all parts of the task more fully. You say government should fund research, but you do not really discuss private companies or individuals.
task response
Make your ideas clearer. Some points are good, but they need more clear explanation and more care with meaning.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. Some examples are too general or may not be true.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: intro, body, body, end. This is good, but links between some ideas are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Check how you join ideas in sentences. Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear result. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep it through the essay.
task response
You include two main reasons for your view, which helps answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words like 'To begin with', 'Another', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'.
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