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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents give their children everything that their children ask for or allow them to do whatever they want to do. Is this good for kids ? what could be consequences for these children when they grow up?

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Introduction
In the modern world, parents are likely to spoil their
kids
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' desires , whether it is objective or subjective. I strongly believe that it could harm their children if it gives too much on either one, so that may impact their behaviour and cause emotional damage when they grow up. To state these consequences will be examined in
this
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 essay.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, showing on the side of families who allow their loved ones to have or buy whatever they request. To illustrate, spoiling their needs without setting out the boundaries or limits makes the kid feel freedom and explore things easily , rather than limiting their imaginations by setting up rules.
Kids
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 may have the ability to freely develop their skills and find what they are interested in, so that improving in the aspect of self-experience.
However
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, if these
kids
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 get refused, it seems to easily fracture their feelings, and
also
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 it could lead to depression because of a lack of discipline and patience.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, strict parents raise their
kids
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 with rules and reasons, tend to have decent
kids
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 with self-emotion control.
For instance
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, learning how to be patient or understanding when people say “ NO “ is a strong awareness of rejection. Children who get used to these refusal since very young age can survive in the real world, especially when working with different people's personalities .
Thus
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, leading them to set out disciplines in their routine to prepare their mindset and help them build a barrier of emotional resistance.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, it is undeniable that parents allow them to do things freely in order to obtain a good experience,
while
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 other
kids
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 are taught with strict rules and disciplines , so these children potentially have a decent background and full awareness of sadness from rejection , so that receiving a “No” will be normalised as the way people say “Yes” to them.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly if this is good or bad for kids, then explain the results in adult life.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. Now some ideas go in different directions and this makes the message less clear.
task response
Add more real and clear examples. Your ideas are good, but they need stronger support.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
task response
Keep your view the same from start to end. At times you seem to support freedom, but later you focus on harm.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay has a full shape.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about results for children in the future.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear, with separate body paragraphs.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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