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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many student’s todays take part in the work experience sessions for a short period of time instead of attending school. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
In recent years, many
students
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 have chosen to participate in short-term
work
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experience
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 programmes
instead
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 of attending regular school classes.
Although
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 some people believe
this
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 trend helps
students
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 gain practical knowledge and professional skills, I strongly believe that it is a negative
development
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 because it can negatively affect academic performance and place unnecessary pressure on young
students
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 at an early stage of life.
Body · 1
One major disadvantage of
work
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experience
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 programmes is that
students
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 may lose focus on their academic studies. Schools provide essential theoretical knowledge and critical thinking skills that are necessary for long-term career success.
However
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, when
students
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 spend considerable time working
instead
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 of studying, they may struggle to perform well in examinations and fall behind in important subjects
such
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 as mathematics, science, and languages.
For example
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, many teenagers who
work
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 part-time in restaurants or retail stores often become too exhausted to concentrate on homework and assignments, which ultimately affects their educational achievement.
Body · 2
Another negative aspect is that
work
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experience
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 can create mental and physical stress among
students
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. Young people are often not mature enough to balance
work
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 responsibilities with academic commitments.
As a result
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, they may
experience
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 anxiety, fatigue, and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of personal time.
Furthermore
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, some employers may take advantage of inexperienced
students
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 by assigning excessive workloads or paying very low wages.
Instead
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 of enjoying school life, social activities, and skill
development
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,
students
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 may become trapped in financial responsibilities too early.
This
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 can reduce their
overall
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 personal growth and happiness during adolescence.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 short-term
work
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experience
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 may provide practical exposure, I believe it is largely a negative
development
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 because it can harm
students
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’ education and increase stress levels at a young age. Schools should remain the primary focus for
students
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 so they can build a strong foundation for their future careers and personal
development
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.

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task response
Add one more real and clear example to make your main idea stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but you can explain them a little more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but you can use a few more linking words between some sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make each body paragraph focus on one main point only and develop it fully.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give your opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a main idea and supports your position.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work experience
  • real-world skills
  • career choice
  • practical learning
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • confidence
  • responsibility
  • future job
  • academic study
  • fall behind
  • learning goals
  • short-term placement
  • balanced approach
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