IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The two pie charts show how different industries used electricity in 1995 and 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The two pie charts illustrate the distribution
consumption
Change preposition
of consumption
show examples
 across five
industries-food
Punctuation problem
industries: food
show examples
,
fishery
Use synonyms
, manufacturing,
household
Use synonyms
 and
service
Use synonyms
- in 1995 and 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 in 1995, industries
such
Linking Words
 as food and manufacturing used the largest
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
electricity
Use synonyms
, albeit with varying levels, in 2005
this
Linking Words
 figure
is
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 declined. Of particular
noticeable notes
Replace the word
notice
 are
fishery
Use synonyms
 and
service
Use synonyms
, which increased significantly over time.
According to
Linking Words
 the data from 1995, the energy consumption was heavily dominated by
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 at 33 %.
This
Linking Words
 was followed closely by
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 industry
accounted
Correct pronoun usage
, which accounted
show examples
 for 24 %
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
Use synonyms
service
Correct article usage
the service
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 consumed the least amount of
electricity
Use synonyms
accounting
Punctuation problem
, accounting
show examples
 for only 8 %.
Moreover
Linking Words
, other industries,
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
household
Change preposition
as household
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
fishery
Punctuation problem
fishery,
show examples
utilized approximately
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 the least amount
Use synonyms
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 figure for
Use synonyms
household
Correct article usage
the household
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 was 15 %
while
Linking Words
 that for
Use synonyms
fishery
Correct article usage
the fishery
show examples
 was 20 %. Over
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 date is changed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some figures of industries,
such
Linking Words
 as manufacturing, food and
fishery
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
declined slightly
while
Linking Words
 other sectors
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
service
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
household
Punctuation problem
household,
show examples
 saw an upward trend. Manufacturing
Use synonyms
sector 'consumption of
Correct word order
sector's consumption of electricity
show examples
electricity
Use synonyms
 was dropped less
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accounted for only 31 %
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
Use synonyms
fishery
Correct article usage
the fishery
show examples
declined
Check wording
sector declined
show examples
 significantly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the figure for that was %.
Service
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Service
Correct article usage
The service
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 increased highly and it was
accounting
Punctuation problem
, accounting
show examples
 15 %
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
household
Use synonyms
 saw
dominated heavily
Replace the word
a dominant increase
accounting
Punctuation problem
, accounting
show examples
 for only 20 %.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words fishery, household, electricity, service, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pie charts
  • industries
  • electricity usage
  • 1995
  • 2005
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • service sector
  • manufacturing sector
  • residential sector
  • agricultural sector
  • main features
  • summarize
  • reporting
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