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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people only find advertisement amusing or annoying, and they believe consumers are not influenced by advertisements when the shop. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
There is a belief that
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are mostly entertaining or annoying, and that they have no effect on individuals' purchase choices. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion since advertising is the most influential factor when buying a
product
Use synonyms
.
Body · 1
In today's interconnected world ,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role. One reason is their attractiveness. As we are living in a fast-paced world, individuals can be easily affected by
advertisements
Use synonyms
. Because of our heavy reliance on technology, it is hard to imagine someone buying an item of their own will. All those dazzling images of products and situations which take place in those
advertisements
Use synonyms
 quickly trigger a desire to purchase a
product
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a person wants to buy a piece of clothing, he carefully observes all the adverts related to clothing and picks the right one
according to
Linking Words
 his preference.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people are more likely to purchase something after watching an advert, rather than buying it of their own free will.
Body · 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, the awareness which they raise is another equally contributing factor.
Although
Linking Words
 not all ads can provide data, most of them can generally inform an individual , which they can use
while
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 purchasing. Take a person who has regular headaches; there is a chance that he will choose the wrong remedy if he buys on his own.
Therefore
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, in order to avoid
such
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 cases, ads are prevalent which allow us to carefully consider the pros and cons of a certain
product
Use synonyms
 before actually purchasing it.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, some people believe that commercials can not influence individuals
while
Linking Words
 shopping, and they are either amusing or annoying. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 belief because the attractiveness of the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can affect our choices.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can raise awareness about what kind of
product
Use synonyms
 we should buy when we face particular circumstances.

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task response
For task response, answer all parts of the question more fully. You say you fully disagree, but you should also explain why some people think ads are only funny or annoying.
task response
For task response, make your ideas more clear and more exact. Some parts are too general, like saying people do not buy by their own will.
task response
For task response, use more real and clear examples. Your clothing and headache examples help, but they are still a bit general.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some linking is not smooth, and a few sentences feel repeated.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make sure each body paragraph has one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, check small grammar and word choice problems because they can make your meaning less clear.
task response
For task response, you clearly give your opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are on topic and relate to ads and buying choices.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has clear paragraphs, including an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use basic linking words like 'Additionally', 'Therefore', and 'To conclude'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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