IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The promoters of social media claim that they are connecting people and enabling people to share like never before. While critics claim that social media site often impinges up on one's privacy. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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The promoters of social
media
Use synonyms
 say that a indivudial for
others
Use synonyms
 and
enabling
Wrong verb form
enables
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to share more than before.
Whereas
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that social
media
Use synonyms
 pages have a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's privacy. I will discuss both views, for me,
spcial
Correct your spelling
social
media
Use synonyms
 can give any unknown
person
Use synonyms
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
others's
Punctuation problem
others'
show examples
photos
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
access
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unknown
Verb problem
allows unknown
show examples
people
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can
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 use it
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harm
others
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. On the one hand, little by little, the internet applications ease
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 connection
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other,
also
Linking Words
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them answers
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all their questions. When
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 apps have
search
Correct article usage
a search
show examples
 section named groups.
This
Linking Words
accesses
Verb problem
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to find
others
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have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 the same interests,
problems
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 or studies.
For example
Linking Words
, a
person
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 can search for
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 college's name,
then
Linking Words
 find
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 of students
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages. They can discuss
problems
Use synonyms
 are overwhelmed them in their university.
After
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they can participate together
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 solving these
problems
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 in comments or posts. These posts can remain in the group for
other
Replace the word
others
 who have the same problem ,in the future, to read them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
always,
Correct word order
people's photos always
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's
photos
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 show who they are on their ID or their internet profiles. But, on social
media
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 pages, scammers can utilised from
people
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's
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photo
Check wording
photos
show examples
. Especially, if those
people
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 have
a attracting
Replace the word
an attractive
 appearance. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 internet applications give
access
Use synonyms
 to anyone to enter your profile to see your
photos
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, or at least your profile image. Sometimes, scammers take women's
Use synonyms
photo
Fix the agreement mistake
photos
show examples
 and make a fake account with
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these photos
show examples
photo
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, they try to chat with men and take money or
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
After
Change preposition
Over
show examples
 time, those scammers can delete the fake accounts. But those men do still remember the
photo
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they can search for it. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, the real
person
Use synonyms
 can have a problem, because he shares she's or he's
photo
Use synonyms
 online. In my opinion, social
media
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profile
Correct subject-verb agreement
profiles
show examples
 do not provide a
privicy
Correct your spelling
privacy
 space for
people
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 to share their
photos
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. When, anytime, anyone can have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these
photos
Use synonyms
. And, he can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 a lot of
problems
Use synonyms
 for the real
person
Use synonyms
's
photo
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Your view is clear, but the good side needs a bit more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea at the start of each body part very clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'In my view'.
task response
Explain your example more clearly so it fully supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when you can. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example about fake accounts, and it fits the topic well.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • connect
  • share
  • people
  • privacy
  • life
  • updates
  • photos
  • videos
  • interests
  • communities
  • support
  • harm
  • information
  • consent
  • data
  • problems
  • cyberbullying
  • harassment
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • superficial
  • lonely
  • online
  • opinion
What to do next:
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