IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is a growing trend that it is more beneficial to
learning
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learn
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 foreign
languages
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 at primary school than waiting
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 secondary school.
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Nevertheless
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Nevertheless,
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 it creates huge challenges,
i
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I
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 strongly believe the advantages surpass the disadvantages. One significant advantage is that at an
aearly
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early age
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ages
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ages,
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 children are more likely to learn
languages
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 more
effeciently
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efficiently
. In Childhood brains will be fresh and can receive information quickly.
Additionally
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,
childs
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children
 have more free time and spending it to acquire new skills will be useful for their future career.
For instance
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, a child who began to learn
languages
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 early will have better speaking skills
and
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, and
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 it boosts childs confidence and
self-estimate
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self-esteem
.
Therefore
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, it
doesn't
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not
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 only affects grades but
behaviour
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also behaviour
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also
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. Another benefit is that studying foreign
languages
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 develops a broader outlook and enhances historical awareness. With learning new
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languages
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languages,
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 students will be introduced
with
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to
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 cultural events and traditions
which
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, which
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 are both essential skills.
For example
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, learning a
chinese
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Chinese
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 language encourages
to
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apply
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children to learn their culture.
As a result
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, children would learn
disciple
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discipline
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, appreciating older people and being determined from chinese language.
However
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,
practicing
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practising
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 new
languages
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 at primary school can put extra pressure on young learners. Nowadays, most of the schools use
rounded
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a rounded
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 education method
which
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, which
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 is very strict and hard to find
an
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apply
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extra time.
Consequently
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, it may cause some cognitive disabilities in
long-term
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the long-term
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 process. In conclusion,
while
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 early education may have some challenges, it is worth
to get
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getting
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 to know unfamiliar cultures and having a broad perspective. I think these factors clearly
outweight
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outweigh
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 the disadvantages.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why the good points are stronger than the bad points in a more direct way.
task response
Add one more clear bad point, or explain the bad point more. Now the bad side is too short.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and real. Some examples now are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to follow. Start each body part with one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, as a result. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. A few ideas jump too fast, so the reader may get lost.
task response
You answer the main question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You include both good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • receptive
  • proficiency
  • self-conscious
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • immersive learning
  • engaging language experiences
  • simultaneously
  • mastery
  • resources
  • trained language teachers
What to do next:
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