IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

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Traditional festivals and celebrations play an important role
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
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 alive the cultural values. Nowadays, in some
countries
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countries,
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 people are no longer celebrating the cultural festival or the celebrations are decreasing
than
Change preposition
compared to the
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 past.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the specific reasons and provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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solutions to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem. The first and foremost reason behind
this
Linking Words
 issue is that, in the modern
era
Punctuation problem
era,
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 people are adapting the western culture,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 they are deprivng from their own culture. People prefer to live in modernisation, they do not believe in their past religious
belief
Check wording
beliefs
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 and values.
The another
Correct determiner usage
Another
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 chief reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 present individuals are very busy in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. They prefer to focus on their career, rather than thinking about
to celebrate
Wrong verb form
celebrating
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 festivals.
Moreover
Linking Words
,

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You talk about causes, but the task asks about problems and measures.
task response
Add clear problems, like loss of culture, weak family ties, and less knowledge for young people.
task response
Give measures, like school lessons, local events, media support, and help from the government.
task response
Use one clear idea in each body paragraph and explain it with a short example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a start, but it stops early and has no ending. Add a clear conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects to the main point of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each point more. Right now, ideas are short and not well supported.
task response
The introduction shows the topic clearly.
task response
You give some relevant ideas about culture and busy life.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a basic paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, like Nowadays and Moreover.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
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