IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past , most people used to travel to their place of work . with increased use of computers,the internet and smartphones , more and more people are starting to work from home

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely believed that authorities should limit the level of violent content in movies and
TV
Use synonyms
 programs in order to decrease crime rates.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the extent to which I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view. On the one hand, there are some negative aspects of controlling
violence
Use synonyms
 in films and
television
Use synonyms
.
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
 are influenced by alternatives what and some
people
Use synonyms
 do not watch films and
TV
Use synonyms
 because they do not spend much time showing
violence
Use synonyms
 in these media may not always be beneficial , as it can sometimes desensitize viewers rather than prevent crime, and many
people
Use synonyms
 are not keen on watching
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
moreover
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
television
Use synonyms
 does not show what should be done to prevent
violence
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 work from home, they can save money because they do not need to spend money on taxis or other transportation. On the other hand, there are several positive aspects many
people
Use synonyms
 watch films to unwind after a hectic day they watch film and
TV
Use synonyms
 programmes and
this
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 would see good would be
due to
Linking Words
 the situations themselves not fall into in order to lesson would learn
moreover
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 would see they learn what to do in different situation some
people
Use synonyms
 are keen on watching
violence
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
 some believe that
TV
Use synonyms
 demonstrates how to deal with
violence
Use synonyms
.
Forthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
People
Use synonyms
 may feel lonely because they do not meet their coworkers every day
because
Correct word choice
, as
show examples
 they work from home.
To sum up
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 essay has discussed the reasons why I disagree with controlling
violence
Use synonyms
 in media
to
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my
mind
Punctuation problem
mind,
show examples
 serious issues like
violence
Use synonyms
 should be conveyed through regular media in a clear and strong manner
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to the fact that
violence
Use synonyms
 is a serious problem

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the main question more clearly from start to end. Say why you disagree in a direct way.
task response
Use ideas that match the topic only. Do not add points about working from home because they are not part of this task.
task response
Give one clear example about films, TV, crime, or young people. Make sure the example supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
Write one main idea in each body part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like First, Also, However, For example, and In the end.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts now are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
You try to show both sides before giving your own view.
task response
The essay stays on the general topic of violence in films and TV for much of the text.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: