Nowadays, a lot of peole are able to do their work from home. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

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In
this
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fast-moving digital era, many companies allow their employees to work
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
their own
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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.
While
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this
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benefits an individual to balance their professional and personal
life
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, howeverm it
also
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has a detrimental impact on physical
health
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.
This
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essay will discuss both advantages and
disadvanges
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
of the notion that there is an increasing number of workers who no longer travel to offices for their
jobs
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. On one hand, proponents claim that working
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
home has
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
impact on physical
health
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.
This
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means that operating through computers and laptops,
while
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sitting on limited space of
ones
Check wording
one's
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house
Punctuation problem
house,
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can minimise their body movement, which impacts
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
physical
health
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.
For instance
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, when an individual sits on same spot for long hours, using their digital technology,
this
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will degrade their
eyesights
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eyesight
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, bones, and
muscles
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muscle
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health
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compared to one who is physically active.
Therefore
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, remote
jobs
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affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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workers
Check wording
workers'
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physical
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
because it limits their body movement.
On the other hand
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, remote
jobs
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help
balancing
Wrong verb form
balance
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personal and professional lives.
In other words
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, remotely operating through digital technology saves time and energy, which they can invest
on
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in
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their friends and families. It not only improves the quality of
life
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but
also
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ensures
smooth
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the smooth
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functioning of companies.
For example
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, in 2019,
due to
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the
pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
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the authorities announced
lock-down
Correct determiner usage
a lockdown
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,
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;
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however
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, companies which had
digital
Correct article usage
a digital
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system
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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operating regardless of lock-down.
This
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clearly demonstrates that remote
jobs
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provide quality of
life
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and
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
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the business.
Hence
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,
to sum up
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, there are both benefits and drawbacks of the notion that there are number of employees who
on
Use the right word
no
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longer travel for
jobs
Use synonyms
as it impacts physical wellbeing,
however
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, it improves their
life
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quality and profits the company.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more direct way. Say clearly why home work is good and why it is bad.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Use examples that fit the point more closely. The lock-down example is partly good, but it is more about business survival than work-life balance.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one main idea, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. Some lines are long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it. This will make the flow better.
task response
You answered both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are mostly easy to find.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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