IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is widely believed that individuals had better living standards in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 decades than now. I firmly agree with the notion that
people
Use synonyms
 have a better quality of
life
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. In previous centuries,
people
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 had to suffer
with
Change preposition
from
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 medical emergencies. There were no
such
Linking Words
 medical professionals, equipment and hospitals available for treatment in need. Countless deaths occurred from curable diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as
flu
Correct article usage
the flu
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 or fever. Surgery was very dangerous at that time.
Life
Use synonyms
 expectancy was very low,
near
Change preposition
apply
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about 40 to 50 years. But in the 21st century, medical science has gained huge
enhancement
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enhancements
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. Nowadays, we have enhanced medical facilities, modern medicines, and vaccines. Doctors can perform surgeries to treat serious diseases,
for
Linking Words
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
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 cancer and heart problems.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the average lifespan of humans has increased. The average
life
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 expectancy has increased from 70 to 80 years in many countries.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
 is a big reason for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of
life
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 today. Daily
life
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 has become much easier now because of the invention of technology. In the past,
people
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 had to work very hard for basic necessities. They did not have electricity, vehicles, or smartphones. They used fire for cooking and light. Travel was much slower and
difficult
Rephrase
more difficult
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 in earlier ages. But these days we have access to electricity,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, mobile phones, and fast communication systems.
People
Use synonyms
 can handle their rough calculating tasks through computers within a minute. They can communicate with others residing in different nations using video calls. Buying goods,
such
Linking Words
 as groceries and clothes
online
Punctuation problem
, online
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 from home can be done using smart devices. These things need less time and effort, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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life
Use synonyms
 much easier compared to the past. So technology gives
people
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 more freedom and less stress. In conclusion, I agree that in
this
Linking Words
 modern
era
Add a comma
era,
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 individuals have better
life
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 opportunities than
any
Change preposition
at any
show examples
 previous time. The main reasons are better health care and modern technology. These things make
life
Use synonyms
 longer, safer, and more comfortable than in previous centuries.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more full way. You agree clearly, but you can also show why some people may not agree, then say why your view is stronger.
task response
Add one or two more clear and real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more exact.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few are too general. Try to explain each main point a little more deeply.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this simple shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but too many simple links can sound repeated.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences are not smooth. Try to connect ideas in a more natural way inside each paragraph.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand: health care and technology.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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