IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that modern technology has made people less socially active, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There has been an ongoing debate regarding whether modern technology has made people less socially active. Some believe that technological advancements have reduced face-to-face interactions,
while
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 others argue that automation helps the population stay connected.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, and I believe that automation has improved social connections rather than weakened them. On the one hand, many individuals argue that modern machinery has made society less socially active. Nowadays, people spend a significant amount of time using smartphones, computers, and social media platforms.
As a result
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, they may interact less with family members, friends, and neighbours in person.
For example
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, it is common to see individuals sitting together
while
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 focusing on their mobile phones
instead
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 of engaging in conversation.
Furthermore
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, excessive use of mechanisation can lead to social isolation, as some prefer online activities over participating in community events or social gatherings.
On the other hand
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, opposers believe that electronic components have enhanced social interaction. Modern communication tools
such
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 as video calls, messaging applications, and social networking sites allow the public to stay connected regardless of distance.
This
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 is particularly beneficial for beings who live far away from their families and friends.
Moreover
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, computers enable
folk
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people
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 to meet those who share similar interests through online communities and discussion groups.
For instance
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, many young folks develop friendships through gaming platforms and social media
such
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 as Instagram and Reddit. In my opinion,
although
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 mechanisation can reduce face-to-face communication, it has generally improved social connectivity. It allows families to maintain relationships, communicate instantly and build new connections across the world.
Therefore
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, the impact of mechanisation depends largely on how individuals choose to use it. Some believe that modern automation has reduced social activity,
while
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 others argue that it has strengthened communication. I believe that technology has had a positive effect on social interaction when used responsibly.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both sides and your own view. To reach a higher band, explain your ideas more deeply and add one more clear example.
task response
Some words are not natural for this topic, like 'machinery', 'electronic components', 'beings', and 'folk'. Use simple and direct words such as 'technology', 'people', and 'devices'.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but you repeat the same idea in the last part. Try to avoid repeating your main point and use that space to develop one idea more.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence cohesion
Most linking is clear, with phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. To improve, make some links smoother inside paragraphs, not only at the start.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences connect well, but a few ideas need more support. For example, you say technology can cause social isolation, but you could explain how or why in more detail.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You use clear paragraphing, which makes the essay easy to read.
task response
You include examples, such as mobile phone use and online friendships.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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