IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer game for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely acknowledged that reading a
book
Use synonyms
 is a major contributor to
children
Use synonyms
's development. Some people feel that reading written stories has a more positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
's lives than watching TV or playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I firmly agree that reading a
book
Use synonyms
 always has a meaningful impact on adolescents' lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. The foremost reason to support my view is that reading books plays an important role in the treatment of sleep disorders
while
Linking Words
 reducing the blue light absorbed by the eyes when watching a movie or playing a
video
Use synonyms
 game.
This
Linking Words
 is because, during developmental years, sleep is a fundamental resource
boosting
Punctuation problem
, boosting
show examples
 hormones and regulating balance in the body.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study shows that playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 during developmental years creates undeniable problems for body functions in the U.S.
Therefore
Linking Words
, being surrounded by numerous blue-light sources has a negative impact on
children
Use synonyms
's lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another reason to justify my stance is that reading a written story is a major source of imagination that affects
children
Use synonyms
's future goals, directly improving their ability to aim at being successful in academic life.
As a result
Linking Words
, young
children
Use synonyms
 find a space where they can develop their desires without any harmful effect on their minds.
For instance
Linking Words
, Apollo astronauts always mention that they read a Jules Verne
book
Use synonyms
 called From the Earth to the Moon, which inspired them to become scientific researchers in the field of space.
This
Linking Words
 clearly demonstrates that playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 cannot provide an instantaneous sense of achievement,
while
Linking Words
 reading a
book
Use synonyms
 allows
children
Use synonyms
 to develop their imagination. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many feel that playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and watching TV
also
Linking Words
 help
children
Use synonyms
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 and are an easy way to understand a topic, I firmly believe that reading a
book
Use synonyms
 always provides better health conditions during developmental years and gives
children
Use synonyms
 the freedom to shape their own goals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part at the start of the part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some links are good, but a few ideas feel too long in one sentence.
task achievement
Give one more direct reason about why books are better than TV or games.
task achievement
Your examples are helpful, but some are a bit far from young children. Try to use examples closer to daily child life.
task achievement
Explain your second point more fully. The idea about imagination is good, but it needs one more step of support.
task achievement
You answer the question clearly and you show a strong view from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task achievement
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your message.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • visualize
  • critical thinking
  • immediate gratification
  • problem-solving
  • language development
  • vocabulary expansion
  • interactive
  • engaging
  • attention span
  • moral values
  • life lessons
  • empathize
  • fleeting connections
What to do next:
Look at other essays: