IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Topic: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Many individuals argue that it is essential to spend free
time
Use synonyms
 on valuable
activities
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
, reading and puzzles. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that
to take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 a break
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 these
activities
Use synonyms
 during leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
essay will discuss both perspectives.
Moreover
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, I firmly agree with taking mental
activities
Use synonyms
 rather than just wasting
time
Use synonyms
 on nothing. On the one hand, spending
time
Use synonyms
 on beneficial games can develop
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 mental health. In puzzle games, a player
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 so many probabilities to select the appropriate pieces to complete the picture. To finish
this
Linking Words
 game fast, the player should take the
least
Correct word choice
fewest
show examples
 number of actions, which means the player needs to be clever.
Linking Words
This kind
Fix the agreement mistake
These kinds
show examples
 of
activities
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 useful to assist people in critical thinking.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people prefer taking a break after finishing their tasks. In universities, many students have to work under pressure, especially in the final
exams seasons
Check wording
exam season
show examples
.
As a result
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, they are almost burned out when they finish
this
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 season
due to
Linking Words
 working under pressure for the whole semester. On vacations, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students prioritise entertaining over learning
activities
Use synonyms
 because they do not have that
time
Use synonyms
 for them in other periods. In conclusion, both views are discussed
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 many people see that
activities
Use synonyms
 that develop critical thinking are important,
whereas
Linking Words
 others prefer to rest
due to
Linking Words
 having upcoming tasks.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully and give your opinion in a clear way in the end and in the body.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side so your discussion feels more complete.
task response
Use examples that are more direct and real, not only general ideas about students and games.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like on the one hand, on the other hand, for example, as a result, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your meaning is easier to follow.
task response
You discussed both views, so you answered the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about puzzles and students to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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