There days, many people like to watch live performances (such as shows or concerts) at home, either on TV or on a computer, instead of attending in person. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

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In my opinion, people increasingly prefer watching shows on television over attending in person because times have drastically changed. Modern life is defined by a rapid technological era filled with advanced gadgets designed to streamline our daily routines;
however
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,
this
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extreme convenience often renders life less exciting. Fundamentally, digital viewing is preferred simply because it is far more effortless than navigating real-world events. First of all, attending a live concert requires a significant investment of time. One must commute to the venue, purchase expensive tickets, and endure tedious lines—processes that cannot be accelerated to match our fast-paced lifestyles.
In contrast
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, an individual can instantly stream virtually any content from the comfort of their sofa, often entirely for free.
Furthermore
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, as an introvert, I naturally prefer staying indoors and
utilizing
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gadgets, illustrating how entertainment choices depend largely on individual personality traits.
Nevertheless
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, experiencing a live performance can be vastly superior to screen time.
While
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the average person spends hours tethered to a television out of habit, breaking that routine to attend a real-life event offers a far more compelling and memorable experience. Because television is a mundane, everyday presence that can eventually become monotonous, witnessing an event in person restores the true excitement and emotional impact that a digital display simply cannot replicate. Ultimately,
while
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technology simplifies our leisure time, it cannot fully replace the authenticity of live experiences.

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task response
Make your answer more direct. Say clearly if the good points are more than the bad points, or not, in the first part and keep this line all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. For example, explain more about cost, comfort, and the feeling at a live show.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples, not only your own feeling as an introvert.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some ideas move too fast, so add a short link between them.
coherence cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point only. This will make your line of thought easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are long and heavy. Shorter sentences can make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear intro and a clear end.
coherence cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to see in each part.
task response
You give both sides of the topic, which helps answer the task.
task response
Your view is present in the essay, especially at the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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