More and more people suffer from health problems caused by a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern medicine. Some people think that a return to traditional medicine is warranted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that many
people
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are suffering
due to
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health issues because of a modern lifestyle which cannot be treated by modern
medicine
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.
While
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others believe that back to traditional
medicine
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is needed . In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
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view for several reasons .
To begin
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with , going back to old medical methods in order to heal from disease and injury is essential for many reasons .
First,
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the main reason is the effectiveness of traditional
medicine
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. No need to prove that traditional ways of treatment were successful because of the older generation .
For instance
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, my Grandmother relied on natural ingredients like mint and honey to treat herself or us and the result always was success.
In addition
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, using a natural plant has a variety of benefits , one of them is that no risk of eating them directly as the medicines have .
Moreover
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, it is true that the modern lifestyle brings a lot of new kinds of diseases which are quite challenging to use modern
medicine
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for treatment , despite that we are in an advanced Era some health issues still have no cure .
For example
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, colon Is a common chronic disease, half of
people
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suffer from colon , and all doctors tell their patients there is no cure and give them prescriptions with temporary resolution.
On the other hand
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, many folk lealer treated a lot of
people
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especially with stomach pain
due to
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the long experience .
To sum up
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, it is a phenomenon nowadays
people
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suffer from many illnesses
due to
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the modern lifestyle , which reflects the importance of returning to old treated ways to help
people
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is good. However, consider expanding your ideas to make them more comprehensive. For instance, discuss potential limitations of traditional medicine as well.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could benefit from better linking words or phrases to improve the flow. For instance, use “Additionally” or “Furthermore” to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a more formal tone in your writing. Phrases like “returns to traditional medicine” would be more appropriate than “back to traditional medicine.”
positive
You provided personal examples, which help to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • modern lifestyle
  • modern medicine
  • traditional medicine
  • treat
  • potential solutions
  • combination
  • approach
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