IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People living in rural areas should prioritize sustainable agriculture practices rather than relying heavily on industrial farming. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people believe that individuals living in rural areas should focus on sustainable farming
instead
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 of depending heavily on industrial farming. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion. In the
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further
Correct word choice
following
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 paragraphs, I will discuss both perspectives and present my own opinion. One major reason, the sustainable agriculture is important for the ecosystem, it preserves natural resources. Industrial farming involves excessive use of chemical fertilisers,which can affect the quality of soil and pollute the water supplies . In the longer term, chemicals can spoil the fertile soil, which could be hazardous for ecosystems.
In contrast
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, sustainable farming techniques
such
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 as rotation, organic fertilisers, and conservation of water supplies can maintain healthy soil.
As a result
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, the new generation can enjoy healthy agricultural food.
On the other hand
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, natural farming can be beneficial for rural life economically and socially. Sustainable agriculture encourages local production and provides sustainable employment opportunities to
the
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apply
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rural people.
Furthermore
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, consumers are increasingly invest on organic and environmentally friendly products, allowing rural farmers to earn higher income by meeting
this
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 demand. Admittedly, industrial farming can produce wast number of products with the help of chemicals and machinery in a shorter period of time, which can be potentially beneficial for the increasing population, but relying heavily on
this
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 method can create long_term environmental and economic challenges and outweigh its short_term advantages. In conclusion, I believe natural farming is more effective,ecofriendly and environmentally friendly,as it preserves natural resources and can stabilise rural life economically.
This
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 approach can
also
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 secure food production for the future.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. You say you strongly agree, so keep that main idea clear all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example from real farm life. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they need one more line to show how and why.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and joined with commas. Split them into shorter sentences for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and as a result.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and in the conclusion.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic of farming and rural areas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast well with ideas like industrial farming versus sustainable farming.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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