IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that climate has the greatest effect on people ‘s way of life. Others believe that the economy of the region has the greatest effect. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate over whether citizens' lifestyle is affected by the regional
climate
Use synonyms
 or their economy.
While
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 some people argue that financial conditions significantly influence people’s way of life. I firmly believe that both aspects deeply determine how individuals should live.
To begin
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 with,
climate
Use synonyms
 can shape residents by the demand on a daily basis—
such
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 as food, clothing and shelter. Specifically, some agricultural plants are limited to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 in a certain
climate
Use synonyms
. Take Russian
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, they do not have the habit of eating rice like Asian, because rice
is hard to
Rephrase
does not
show examples
 survive
in
Rephrase
well in
show examples
 the low temperatures.
In addition
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,
instead
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 of wearing thick jackets, individuals living in tropical regions tend to wear a thin T-shirt or tank.
Furthermore
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, in the north pole, people build their houses with bricks made of ice,
due to
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 the extreme weather conditions, trees and soil might not exist. For economic effects, citizens who live in developed countries like Canada and Uk
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 tend to have a slow-paced life, as governments have built up well-being systems like health care and education for residents through high taxes.
In contrast
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, in poverty regions, because the economy is poorly developed, people struggle with the resources for living
due to
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 a lack of job opportunities.
For instance
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, there is a trend that many immigrants leave their original nations for richer countries to seek better lives. In conclusion, not only does
climate
Use synonyms
 deeply affect individuals on a daily basis , but
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also
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
economic conditions
significantly
Correct word choice
also significantly
show examples
 determine residents’ happiness and their way of life.
Therefore
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, I am strongly convinced that these factors greatly control people’s lifestyles.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about climate and the economy, but your own view is not fully clear until the end.
task response
Give one more clear reason for each side. This will make your ideas more complete.
task response
Some examples are good, but a few are not fully exact or natural. Use simple and real examples.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts join well, but a few sentences feel a bit long or heavy.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point easier to follow. Put one clear idea first, then explain it, then give an example.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, with an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow in a logical order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate
  • weather
  • life
  • people
  • region
  • economy
  • money
  • jobs
  • income
  • housing
  • health
  • diet
  • food
  • clothes
  • energy
  • farming
  • crops
  • seasons
  • transport
  • education
  • culture
  • change
  • adapt
  • policy
  • government
  • wealth
  • standard of living
  • influence
  • shape
  • choice
  • opportunity
  • access
  • infrastructure
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