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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online education is becoming increasingly popular. Many university students are choosing to study online instead of face to face. Do the advantages of distance education outwiegh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays,
while
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 some people believe that traditional classrooms are outdated ,others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that virtual learning cannot replace human interaction .Online
education
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 has been more popular, especially
,
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apply
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in consequence of covid-19 pandemic's online lifestyle.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend continues and
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
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 to explain offline
education
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.
However
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, what kind of
study
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 is better , and has more benefits? On the one hand, online
study
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 is very convenient for
mental
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the mental
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 health of students and tutors.
For example
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, your university is far from your house , and online
education
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 gives you the opportunity to avoid worrying about buses, sleeping more, less anxiety about your appearance and so on.
A
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At
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 the same time,it solves the issue of location , when you can
study
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 without physical presence and not
spending
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spend
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 your time, energy and money on travel , and paying
a
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apply
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rent in another country.
For example
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, students who live in poor countries
,
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apply
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and families, but
very
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are very
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 smart ,
in addition
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 , could enter
to
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apply
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the best universities , like Oxford,Cambridge,and others in the Ivy League ,
has ability ,
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apply
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thanks to online
education
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 ,
Use synonyms
study
Correct word choice
and study
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 in these universities.
Also
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, Coursera and other platforms provide affordable access to certified courses from
top-tire
Correct your spelling
top-tier
 institutions, opening doors for talented individuals worldwide.
However
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, the drawbacks of these online courses are not a few and
very
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are very
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 significant.Academic integrity
one
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is one
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 of the main rules in high-quality
education
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, not in studying
face
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 to
face
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 often violated.
Such
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 as,
learner
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a learner
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 can
cheating
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cheat
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, and for a teacher
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 harder to notice
this
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.
Although
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 universities implement advanced proctoring software to monitor online exams, it cannot fully prevent academic dishonesty as effectively as an invigilator in a physical classroom.
Also
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, communication with classmates and teachers in real life is important for society and future life. Generally,in conclusion, we can see many advantages of online
education
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,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
Use synonyms
education
Correct word order
face-to-face education
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face
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 to
face
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.My opinion
,
Verb problem
is
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 that offline learning is better , despite all the pluses of
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You say online study has many good points, but your final view says offline is better. Make your position clear from the start and keep it the same.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Some points are good, but they need clearer explanation of why they support your answer.
task response
Use examples in a simpler and more direct way. Your examples are relevant, but some are too long or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas in a cleaner way. Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion, but some sentences do not link well.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'for example' should fit the meaning and place in the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
You answered the topic and gave both advantages and disadvantages of online education.
task response
You included examples such as travel, cost, and access to top universities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to connect your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual learning
  • asynchronous/synchronous sessions
  • digital literacy
  • course accessibility
  • virtual classrooms
  • e-learning platforms
  • multimedia resources
  • self-motivated learning
  • peer collaboration
  • web-based assignments
  • networking capabilities
  • academic dishonesty
  • hands-on experience
  • technical barriers
  • digital divide
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