IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries recently young single people have been living far from their parents, from the time they began studies or work and until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

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Student and worker mobility are
ever increasing
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ever-increasing
 trends, their drivers being either local circumstances or the desire and curiosity to explore. In the current economic
climate
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climate,
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 it has become more common to relocate.
Although
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 there are costs and cultural
challenges
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challenges,
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 I believe the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.
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Firstly
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Firstly,
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 there is the cost of having to move and possibly live in the new city without having secured work first.
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However
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However,
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 with careful planning
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such
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, such
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 as organising work before arrival through the internet, and sound financial preparation
these
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, these
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 factors can be mitigated.
For
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example
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example,
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 the Erasmus grant is a European funding facility to assist students who are interested in experiencing a semester in a foreign country. Once overcoming the financial hurdles
the
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, the
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 migrant student or worker has opened the doors to a richer educational experience or an improved economic future than awaited at home.
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Secondly
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Secondly,
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 there will undoubtedly be cultural challenges
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; nevertheless
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nevertheless
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nevertheless,
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 these must be seen as an advantage to relocating.
For
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example
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example,
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 overcoming a language barrier
maybe
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may be
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 painful at first
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; however
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however
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however,
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 the long-term benefits of having learnt the language are incredible.
This
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 is another clear advantage of relocating away from ones home town.
To conclude
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, with careful planning to reduce initial
expenses
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expenses,
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 the financial disadvantage can be drastically reduced.
In
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addition
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addition,
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 a second language and a cultural education are clearly greater than the cost of early challenges in a country.
Due to
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 these beneficial factors
out numbering
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outnumbering
 the
drawbacks
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drawbacks,
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this
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 trend can only continue to grow.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Add one more clear bad point about living far from parents, such as stress, loneliness, or weak family support.
task response
Your examples are useful, but one example is mostly about students. Add a work example too, because the topic is about both study and work.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each body paragraph focused on one main idea, and link each idea back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words with full stops or commas to make the flow smoother, for example: However, As a result, In contrast, For this reason.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with long sentences. Shorter sentences can make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion that the advantages are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
task response
Most main points are explained, and the Erasmus example gives support to your idea.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches your opinion and closes the essay well.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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